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THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST WEBSTER’S THESAURUS EDITION FOR PSAT ®, SAT ®, GRE ®, LSAT ®, GMAT ®, AND AP ® ENGLISH TEST PREPARATION Oscar Wilde PSAT  is a registered trademark of the College Entrance Examination Board and the National Merit Scholarship Corporation neither of which spons ors or endorses this book; SAT is a registered trademark of the College Board which neither sponsors nor endorses this book; GRE , AP  and Advanced Placement are registered trademarks of the Educational Testing Service wh ich neither sponsors nor endorses this book, GMAT  is a registered trademark of the Graduate Management Admi ssions Council which is neither affiliated with this boo k nor endorses this book, LSAT is a registered trademark of the Law School Admissions Council which neithe r sponsors nor endorses this product. All rights reserved.

PSAT ® is a registered trademark of the College Entrance Examination Board and the National Merit Scholarship Corporation neither of which sponsors or endorses this book; SAT ® is a registered trademark of the College Board which neither sponsors nor endorses this book; GRE ®, AP ® and Advanced Placement ® are registered trademarks of the Educational Testing Service which neither sponsors nor endorses this book, GMAT ® is a registered trademark of the Graduate Manage ment Admissions Council which is neither affiliated with this book nor endorses this book, LSAT ® is a registered trademark of the Law School Admissions Council which neither sponsors nor endorses this product. All rights reserved. The Importance of Being Earnest Webster’s Thesaurus Edition for PSAT ®, SAT ®, GRE ®, LSAT ®, GMAT ®, and AP ® English Test Preparation Oscar Wilde

IC ON C LASSICS Publis hed by I CON Group In ternation al, Inc. 7404 T rade St reet San Diego, CA 92121 U SA www.icongroup online.com The Im port ance of B eing E arnest A Trivial C omedy for Serious People: W ebster's E dition for PSAT®, SA T®, GR E®, LS AT ®, GM AT ®, and AP ® En glish Tes t Preparat ion This ed ition pu blis hed by IC ON Clas sics in 2005 Printed in the Unit ed Sta tes of America. Copyright ©2005 by IC ON Grou p In ternation al, Inc. Edited by Philip M. Par ker, Ph.D. (IN SEAD) ; Copyright ©200 5, all rights reserv ed. All righ ts res erved . Th is book is protected by copyright. No part of it may be reproduced , stored in a retrieval system , or transmi tted i n any fo rm or by an y m eans , elect ronic, mecha nical, photocopying, record ing, or ot herwis e, wit hout written permis sion from th e publ isher. Copyin g our publicat ion s in whole or in part , fo r wh atever reas on, is a v iolat ion of copyright laws and can lead to pen alties and fines. Should yo u wa nt to copy tables, graphs, or other materials , pleas e conta ct u s to reques t per mission ( E-mail: icon edit@san.rr.co m). I CON Group often gran ts perm ission for v ery lim ited reprod uction of ou r pu blicat ion s for in ternal u se, pr ess releas es, an d acad em ic res earch . Such reprod uction re quires con firm ed perm ission from IC ON Group Internation al, In c. PSA T® is a re giste red trademark of the C ollege En trance Examinat ion Board and the Nat ional Me rit Schol arship C orpor ation ne ither of whi ch spons ors or endor ses this boo k; SAT ® is a re giste red trademark of the Col lege Boar d whi ch neither spons ors nor endor ses this b ook ; GRE ®, A P® a nd A dvanced P lacem ent® ar e re giste red trade marks of the Ed ucatio nal Testing Servic e which ne ith er sponsors no r end orses this book, GMAT ® is a registe red trade mark of the Graduat e Mana gement A dmissio ns C ouncil which is n either affiliat ed with this boo k no r end orse s this boo k, LS AT ® is a registe red trade mark of the Law School Admis sions Council which n eith er spon sors no r end orses this product. W ebster’s Rose tta Edition ®, th e Ros etta Edition ®, an d We bste r’s Onl ine Di ctionary. Al l rights reserved. ISB N 0-497- 2530 9-7

iii Contents PREFACE FROM THE EDITOR .......................................................................................... 1 THE PERSONS IN THE PLAY ............................................................................................. 3 THE SCENES OF THE PLAY .............................................................................................. 5 FIRST ACT ........................................................................................................................ 7 SECOND ACT ................................................................................................................. 41 THIRD ACT ..................................................................................................................... 8 5 GLOSSARY ................................................................................................................... 107



Oscar W ilde 1 PREFACE FROM THE EDITOR Designed for school districts, educators, and students seeking to maximize performance on standardized tests, Webster’s paperbacks take advantage of the fact that classics are frequently assigned readings in English cour ses. By using a running thesaurus at the bottom of each page, this edition of The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde was edited for students who are actively building their vocabularies in anticipation of taking PSAT ®, SAT ®, AP ® (Advanced Placement ®), GRE ®, LSAT ®, GMAT ® or similar examinations. 1 Webster’s edition of this classic is organized to expose the reader to a maximum number of synonyms and antonyms for difficult and often ambiguous English words that are encountered in other works of literature, conversation, or academic examinations. Extremely rare or idiosyncratic words and expressions are given lower priority in the notes compared to words which are “difficult, and often encountered” in examinations. Rather th an supply a single synonym, many are provided for a variety of meanings, allowing readers to bett er grasp the ambiguity of the English language, and avoid using the notes as a pure crutch. Having the reader decipher a word’s meaning within context serves to improve vocabulary retention and understanding. Each page covers words not already highlighted on previous pages. If a difficult word is not noted on a page, chances are that it has been highlighted on a previous page. A more complete thesaurus is supplied at the end of the book; Synonyms and antonyms are extracted from Webster’s Online Dictionary. Definitions of remaining terms as well as translations can be found at www.websters-online- dictionary.org . Please send suggestions to websters@icongroupbooks.com The Editor Webster’s Online Dictionary – the Rosetta Edition ® www.websters-online-dictionary.org 1 PSAT ® is a registered trademark of the College Entrance Examination Board and the National Merit Scholarship Corporation neither of which sponsors or endorses this book; SAT ® is a registered trademark of the College Board which neither sponsors nor endorses this book; GRE ®, AP ® and Advanced Placement ® are registered trademarks of the Educational Testing Service which neither sponsors nor endorses this book, GMAT ® is a registered trademark of the Graduate Manage ment Admissions Council which is neither affiliated with this book nor endorses this book, LSAT ® is a registered trademark of the Law School Admissions Council which neither sponsors nor endorses this product. All rights reserved.



Oscar W ilde 3 THE PERSONS IN THE PLAY John Worthing, J.P. Algernon Moncrieff Rev. Canon Chasuble, D.D. Merriman, Butler Lane, Manservant Lady Bracknell Hon. Gwendolen Fairfax Cecily Cardew Miss Prism, Governess



Oscar W ilde 5 THE SCENES OF THE PLAY ACT I. Algernon Moncrieff's Flat in Half-Moon Street, W. ACT II. The Garden at the Manor House, Woolton. ACT III. Drawing-Room at the Manor House, Woolton. TIME: The Present.



Oscar W ilde 7 FIRST ACT SCENE—Morning-room in Algernon's flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished . The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room. [LANE is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, ALGERNON enters.] ALGERNON. Did you hear what I was playing, Lane? LANE. I didn't think it polite to listen, sir. % ALGERNON. I'm sorry for that, for your sake. I don't play accurately - any one can play accurately - but I play with wonderfu l expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life. LANE. Yes, sir. ALGERNON. And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell? Thesaurus adjoining : (adj ) contiguous, neighbor, near, abutting, touching, conterminous, neighboring, immediate, next, vicinal; ( adj, v) close. ANTONYMS: ( adj) separate, divided, detached, apart, far. artistically : (adv ) ingeniously, pleasingly, inventively, imaginatively, creatively, elegantly, originally, resourcefully, productively, innovatively, harmoniously. ceased : (adj ) finished. cucumber : (n) cuke, gherkin, vegetable, veggie, melon, cucumber vine, cucumbers, dollar. don't : (adv ) not; ( n) taboo, prohibition.forte: ( adj, n) faculty, ability, endowment; ( n) strong point, strength, specialty, strong suit, metier; ( adj) loud, strong; ( adv) loudly. ANTONYMS: ( n) weakness, failing. furnished : (adj ) fitted, arranged, privileged, instruct, carrying weapons, equipt, enlightened; ( v) provide, furnish, begone, beset. heard: ( n) hearing. luxuriously : (adv ) richly, sumptuously, extravagantly, opulently, magnificently, voluptuously, lushly, lavishly, palatially, sensually, gorgeously. ANTONYMS: ( adv) meagerly, cheaply, simply.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 8 LANE . Yes, s ir. [Han ds them on a salver. ] ALGERNON . [Inspects them, takes two, and sits dow n on the sofa .] O h!... b y the w ay, Lane , I see from your book that on Thursday night, w hen Lord Shoreman and M r. Worthing were din ing with me, ei ght bottl es of ch ampagn e are entered as having been consumed. % LANE . Yes, si r; eight bottl es an d a pint . ALGERNON . Why i s it that at a bachel or's estab lishment the serva nts in var iabl y drink the champagn e? I ask mere ly for in formatio n. LANE . I attr ibu te it to the sup erior qu ality of the w ine, sir. I have often observed that in m arrie d ho useho lds the cham pagn e i s rar ely of a fir st-rate brand . ALGERNON . Good he av en s! Is marriage so de mo ralising as that? LANE . I believe it IS a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up t o the present. I have only been mar ried once . That was in consequence of a misu nderstandin g between myself and a young person. ALGERNON . [Lan gu idl y.] I don't know that I am m uch interested in your family life, Lane. LANE . No, sir ; it is not a v ery int erest ing sub ject. I nev er think of it m ysel f. ALGERNON . Very natu ral, I am sure. T hat w ill do, La ne, thank yo u. LANE . Thank y ou, sir. [LAN E goe s out.] Thesaurus attribut e: (adj, n) quality, property; ( n, v) assign; (n) featur e, emblem, character istic, peculiarity, mark; (v) credit, impute, accr edit. brand: (n, v ) ma rk, class; (adj, n, v) stigm a; (adj, n) blot, stain; ( n) type, blade, br and na me, badge, kind, sort. ANTONY MS: ( v) praise; ( n) honor, glory. demora lising: (adj) dark, causing dejec tion, dis couraging, disheartenin g, dispiriting, blue. dining: (n) feeding, eating; ( v) eat. first-rate: (adj) exce llent, s tunnin g, capita l, pos h, tiptop, da ndy, a ce, superior, cl assic, fin e, clinking. heav ens: (n) firm ament, heaven, sk y, welkin, sphere, atm osphere, cele stial sphere, sp ace, skie s, area, va ult of hea ven. invari ably: (adv) co nstantly, ever, forever, perma nently, continua lly, inces santly; ( adj) ne ver otherwi se, unf ailingly, w itho ut exception, witho ut fail; ( adj, ad v) uni form ly. misunde rstandi ng: (n) misap prehension , disagr eement, mis conc eption, misinterpreta tion, error, mis con structi on, dis pute, quarrel, mist aking; (n, v ) dissension, difference. ANTON YMS: ( n) harmony, f act, agre ement, und erstanding. pint: (n) dry pint. servan ts: (n) sta ff, suite. sits : (n) sat.

Oscar W ilde 9 ALGERNON. Lanes views on marriage seem somewhat lax. Really, if the lower orders don't set us a good example, what on ea rth is the use of them? They seem, as a class, to have absolutely no sense of moral responsibility. % [Enter LANE.] LANE. Mr. Ernest Worthing. [Enter JACK.] [LANE goes out.] ALGERNON. How are you, my dear Ernest? What brings you up to town? JACK. Oh, pleasure, pleasure! What else should bring one anywhere? Eating as usual, I see, Algy! ALGERNON. [Stiffly.] I believe it is customary in good society to take some slight refreshment at five o'clock. Where have you been since last Thursday? JACK. [Sitting down on the sofa.] In the country. ALGERNON. What on earth do you do there? JACK. [Pulling off his gloves.] When one is in town one amuses oneself. When one is in the country one amuses other people. It is excessively boring. ALGERNON. And who are the people you amuse? JACK. [Airily.] Oh, neighbours, neighbours. Thesaurus amuse: (v) please, beguile, absorb, entertain, enjoy, disport, distract, delight, occupy, recreate, rejoice. ANTONYMS: ( v) bore, dull, tire, annoy, anger, cloy, depress, weary, disappoint. customary : (adj, n ) accustomed, usual, habitual; ( adj) conventional, ordinary, commonplace, traditional, average, wonted, regular, standard. ANTONYMS: ( adj) unusual, abnormal, exceptional, unconventional, offbeat, irregular, innovative, different, unfamiliar, extraordinary, rare. eating : (n) ingestion, intake, feeding, browsing, banqueting, food, lunching, supping, pica, repletion; ( v) eat. excessively : (adj, adv ) immoderately, exorbitantly, inordinately; ( adv) extremely, enormously, exceedingly, very, profusely, overly, exaggeratedly, intemperately. ANTONYMS: ( adv) justifiably, moderately, insufficiently. neighbours : (n) neighborhood. o'clock : (n) period, hours. oneself : (n) herself, himself, themselves, personal, private, selfness, self, yourself, me, person, own. refreshment : (n) bite, drink, recreation, collation, repose, relief, rest, entertainment, treat; ( v) invigoration; ( n, v) regalement.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 10 ALGERNON . Got nice neighbours in yo ur part of Shropshi re? JAC K. Perfect ly ho rrid! Never speak to on e of them. % ALGERNON . How immensely yo u must amuse them! [G oes over and takes san dwich. ] By the w ay, Shr opshire is you r count y, is it not ? JAC K. Eh? Shropshire? Yes, of c ourse . Hal lo! Why all these cups ? Wh y cucumber sandw iches? Why such reck less ex trav ag anc e in one so youn g? Who is comi ng to tea? ALGERNON . Oh! m erely A unt Au gu sta and G wendo len. JAC K. How perfect ly de light ful! ALGERNON . Yes, that is al l v ery w ell; b ut I am afra id Aunt Aug usta w on't qu ite ap prov e of yo ur b eing here. JAC K. Ma y I ask why ? ALGERNON . My dea r fellow, the wa y you flirt with Gwendolen is perfect ly disgrac eful. It is alm ost as bad as the w ay G wendolen flirt s w ith yo u. JAC K. I am in lov e w ith G wendolen. I hav e co me up to town expressly to propose t o her. ALGERNON . I thought you had com e up for p leasu re? ... I ca ll that b usin ess. Thesaurus cups : (n) pla tes, dishes, dish ware, table ware. disgra ceful: (adj) dishonor able, scanda lous, shock ing, degra ding, disreput able, inf amous, base, ignominio us, outrageous , black, ignoble. AN TONY MS: ( adj) admirable, honor able, reputab le, exalted, commendable, respect able, noble, glorio us. extravagance: (n) di ssip ation, lux ury, excess, p rofli gac y, lavish ness, squandering, r eckle ssn ess, waste, prodigality, magni ficence, immodera tenes s. ANTONY MS: (n) economy, fr ugalit y, parsimony, pru dence, pau city, modera tion, auster ity, n ecessity, bar eness. flirt: (n, v ) co quette; (v) da lly, co quet, toy, romance, trifle, spoon; ( n) dallian ce, vamp, te ase, flirting. hallo: (n) hi, hull o. horrid : (adj) gri sly, gha stly, ugly, gruesome, grim, fea rful, dre adful, direful, dire, horrible, fea rsome. ANTONY MS: ( adj) lovely, nice, appealin g, attractiv e, kind. reck less: (adj) careless, r ash, foolh ardy, hasty, in cautiou s, extrava gant, daring, desperate, brash; (adj, v) im prud ent, want on. ANTONY MS: ( adj) ca utiou s, prudent, sen sible, wi se, r esponsible, parsimon ious, con sidered , safe, guarded, du tifu l, dis creet.

Oscar W ilde 11 JACK. How utterly unromantic you are! ALGERNON. I really don't see anything romantic in proposing. It is very romantic to be in love. But there is nothing romantic ab out a definite proposal. Why, one may be accepted. One usually is, I believe. Then the excitement is all over. The very essence of romance is uncertainty. If ever I get married, I'll certainly try to forget the fact. % JACK. I have no doubt about that, dear Algy. The Divorce Court was specially invented for people whose memories are so curiously constituted. ALGERNON. Oh! there is no use speculating on that subject. Divorces are made in Heaven - [JACK puts out his hand to take a sandwich. ALGERNON at once interferes.] Please don't touch the cu cumber sandwiches. They are ordered specially for Aunt Augusta. [Takes one and eats it.] JACK. Well, you have been eating them all the time. ALGERNON. That is quite a different matter. She is my aunt. [Takes plate from below.] Have some bread and butter. The bread and butter is for Gwendolen. Gwendolen is devoted to bread and butter. JACK. [Advancing to table and helping himself.] And very good bread and butter it is too. ALGERNON. Well, my dear fellow, you need not eat as if you were going to eat it all. You behave as if you were married to he r already. You are not married to her already, and I don't think you ever will be. Thesaurus constituted : (adj ) habitual, planted, legitimate, grooved, accomplished, official. curiously: ( adv) inquisitively, peculiarly, unusually, strangely, nosily, pryingly, queerly, funnily, weirdly; ( adj, adv) singularly, particularly. ANTONYMS: ( adv) ordinarily, typically. eats : (n) grub, chuck, food, meat, meal, diet, nurture, eat, dinner, board, feed.invented : (adj ) fictional, fabricated, imaginary, unreal, fake, mythical, legendary, fictive, fancied, fabulous, ben trovato. ANTONYMS: ( adj) genuine, factual, true, actual. proposing : (adj ) prosy, proponent, making proposals. romance: ( n) love affair, fiction, story, figment, intrigue, affair, tale, vagary; (v ) flirt, court, exaggerate. sandwich : (n) bomber, hoagy, hoagie, hero, beefburger, butty, poor boy, open sandwich, doorstep, hotdog; ( v) enter. speculating : (n) conception. unromantic : (adj ) unexaggerated, unaffected, unflattering, unimaginative, realistic, unloving, practical, utilitarian, not romantic. utterly : (adv ) completely, absolutely, totally, entirely, extremely, altogether, expressly, purely, dead, fully, wholly. ANTONYMS: ( adv) partly, uncertain, slightly, incompletely, hardly, somewhat.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 12 JAC K. Why on earth do yo u say that? ALGERNON . Well , in the fi rst place gi rls never mar ry the men they fl irt wi th. Gi rls don't think it right .% JAC K. Oh, that i s nonsens e! ALGERNON . It i sn't. It i s a great trut h. It accoun ts for t he ex traord inary nu mbe r o f bachelor s that one sees all over the plac e. In the seco nd place, I do n't give my consent. JAC K. Your consent! ALGERNON . My dear fellow , G wendo len is m y fir st cousin . A nd b efore I allow you t o marry her, y ou will hav e to cle ar up the whole qu estion o f Cec ily . [Ri ngs bell.] JAC K. Cecily! Wh at on earth do you mean? Wh at do you m ean, Alg y, by C ecily! I don't know any one o f the nam e of Cecily. [Ent er LA NE .] ALGERNON . Bring me that cigarette case Mr. W orthing le ft in t he sm oking -room the last time he dined here. LANE . Ye s, sir. [LAN E goes ou t.] JAC K. Do you me an to say you have h ad my ci garette case al l thi s time? I w ish to Thesaurus accou nts: (n) fin ancial st atem ent. ciga rette: (adj) cig ar; (n) toba cco, f ag, butt, c an, coffin n ail, cube b, scroll, butto cks, reefer, b utt joint. cou sin: (n) nephew , cous ins, friend, cousinship, rela tion , akin, rela tive, full co usin, compan ion. extraordinary: (adj) odd, exceptional, curio us, rare, speci al, phenomen al, amazing, asto nishing, unusual, strange, a bnorma l. ANTONY MS: (adj) ordina ry, n orma l, everyda y, usua l, common, m unda ne, reg ular, undistingu ished, unrema rka ble, insignific ant, n atural. fellow: (adj, n) com rad e, associ ate; ( n) boy, equa l, brother, peer, cha p, colleague, c ompeer, buddy; ( adj, n, v ) concomit ant. ANT ONYMS: ( n) fema le, w oman, girl, foe, enemy, antagoni st, competi tor. lan e: (n) alley, ro ad, pa th, pa ssage, aven ue, w ay, track, aisle, side street, line, artery. marry: (n, v ) wed , espouse; (v) get married, link, conjo in, wive, splice, tie, unite, co uple; ( n) ma rria ge. ANTONY MS: ( v) divorce, s eparate, split. nons ense: (n) bosh, absurdity, humb ug, b alderdas h, foolishn ess, drivel, folderol, ba loney, fa lder al, jargon, cla ptrap. ANTONY MS: ( n) sen se, wisd om , su bstance, fact. rings: (n) orn ament s, neckla ces, jewels, cost ume jewelry, ch arms, br acelet s.

Oscar W ilde 13 goodness you had let me know. I have been writing frantic letters to Scotland Yard about it. I was very nearly offering a large reward. % ALGERNON. Well, I wish you would offer one. I happen to be more than usually hard up. JACK. There is no good offering a large reward now that the thing is found. [Enter LANE with the cigarette case on a salver. ALGERNON takes it at once. LANE goes out.] ALGERNON. I think that is rather mean of you, Ernest, I must say. [Opens case and examines it.] However, it makes no matter, for, now that I look at the inscription inside, I find that the th ing isn't yours after all. JACK. Of course it's mine. [Mov ing to him.] You have seen me with it a hundred times, and you have no right whatsoever to read what is written inside. It is a very ungentlemanly thing to read a private cigarette case. ALGERNON. Oh! it is absurd to have a hard and fast rule about what one should read and what one shouldn't. More than half of modern culture depends on what one shouldn't read. JACK. I am quite aware of the fact, and I don't propose to discuss modern culture. It isn't the sort of thing one should talk of in private. I simply want my cigarette case back. ALGERNON. Yes; but this isn't your cigarette case. This cigarette case is a present from some one of the name of Cecily, and you said you didn't know any one of that name. JACK. Well, if you want to know, Cecily happens to be my aunt. Thesaurus absurd : (adj ) ridiculous, foolish, unreasonable, irrational, meaningless, inept, senseless, nonsensical, illogical, ludicrous; ( adj, n) silly. ANTONYMS: ( adj) rational, reasonable, logical, wise, weighty, sound, consistent, serious, plausible, credible, acceptable. frantic : (adj ) desperate, crazy, excited, distraught, frenetic, distracted; ( adj, v) frenzied, furious, wild, raging; ( n) maniac. ANTONYMS: ( adj) mellow, composed. inscription : (n) epigraph, entry, dedication, autograph, epitaph, registration, lettering, writing, record, superscription, title. offering : (n, v ) gift, grant; ( n) oblation, contribution, donation, presentation, offer, present, endowment, gratuity, bestowal. propose : (v) bid, nominate, design, plan, proffer, move, intend, mean, aim, suggest; ( n, v) advance. ANTONYMS: ( v) reject, improvise, oppose. salver : (n) waiter, server, epergne, tazza, platter, plate, serving dish, patella, urn, attendant, patera. ungentlemanly : (adj ) ribald, discourteous, shabby, uncouth, unrefined, impolite. whatsoever : (adj ) any, at all, possible; (pron ) what, anything, no matter what, partly, somewhat, anything that, whatso.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 14 ALGERNON . Your a unt! JAC K. Yes. Charm ing old lady sh e is, too. L ives at Tunb ridge Wells. Just give it b ack to m e, A lgy .% ALGERNON . [Ret reating to back o f sofa .] But why do es she c all he rself little Cec ily if she is your a unt and liv es at Tunb ridge W ells? [Re ading. ] 'From lit tle C ecily w ith her fondest lo ve.' JAC K. [Mov ing t o sofa and kn eeling up on it. ] My de ar fello w, w hat on earth i s there in that? Som e aunts ar e tal l, som e aunts are not t all. That i s a matter that sure ly an aunt may be allowed to decide for hersel f. You seem to thi nk that every aunt should be ex actly like you r aunt! T hat is ab surd! Fo r Heav en' s sak e give m e back m y ciga rette case . [Fo llow s ALG ERNON ro und the room .] ALGERNON . Yes. But why does yo ur aunt call yo u her uncle? 'From l ittle Cecil y, w ith her fondest love t o her dear U ncle Jack.' There is no ob jectio n, I adm it, to an aunt being a sm all aunt, but w hy an aunt, no m atter w hat her si ze m ay be, shou ld call her own neph ew her uncle , I can't quite make o ut. Besides , your name isn't Jac k at all; it is Erne st. JAC K. It isn't Ern est; it's Jack. ALGERNON . You have alw ays to ld me it was Ernest. I have introd uced you to every one as Ernest. You answer to the nam e of Er nest. You loo k as if yo ur nam e was Ernest. You are the most earne st-loo king person I ev er saw in m y lif e. It is perfectly absurd yo ur say ing that yo ur name isn't Ernest. It's on your cards. Here is one of them. [Taking it from case.] 'Mr. E rnest W orthing, B . 4, T he Albany.' I'll keep this as a proof that yo ur name is Ernest i f ever you attempt Thesaurus besides: (adv ) as well, moreover, too, furthermore, aga in, as well as , anyway, addition ally; (prep) ap art from, beside; ( adj, adv) m ore. charm ing: (adj) be autiful, l ovely, cap tivatin g, win ning, attr activ e, encha nting, delightful, pleasing, nice, magic, c ute. ANTO NYMS: ( adj) repellent, u npleasant, u nappe aling, repulsive, ch armle ss, disgu sting, gros s, irrit ating, off ensive, unintere sting, ann oying. kneelin g: (n) hom age, kowto w, kneelingly, prostr ation, genuflexi on, genufle ction, curt sy, courtes y, obeisanc e. nephe w: (n) aunt, gra ndnephew, brother's son, niece, cous in, uncl e, kins man. objection : (n) dissent, complaint, grievance, excepti on, gripe, disagreeme nt, outc ry, difficulty, expostul ation, dis approval, criticism. ANTONY MS: ( n) approva l, agreem ent, praise, accep tance. proof : (n) confirm ation, probati on, authe nticati on, sign , sub stantiati on, evid ence, verificati on, valid ation, argume nt, experiment, indica tion. ANTONY M: ( n) co ntrad iction. sak e: (n, v ) interes t, rea son, motive, ground; ( v) advantage, cause; (n) object, ac count, d esign, purpose, s aki. sofa : (n) co uch, lo unge, diva n, bench, davenport, se at, squab, cha ir, form, convertible, daybed .

Oscar W ilde 15 to deny it to me, or to Gwendolen, or to any one else. [Puts the card in his pocket.] JACK. Well, my name is Ernest in town and Jack in the country, and the cigarette case was given to me in the country. % ALGERNON. Yes, but that does not account for the fact that your small Aunt Cecily, who lives at Tunbridge Wells, calls you he r dear uncle. Come, old boy, you had much better have the thing out at once. JACK. My dear Algy, you talk exactly as if you were a dentist. It is very vulgar to talk like a dentist when one isn't a dentist. It produces a false impression, ALGERNON. Well, that is exactly what dentists always do. Now, go on! Tell me the whole thing. I may mention that I have always suspected you of being a confirmed and secret Bunburyist; and I am quite sure of it now. JACK. Bunburyist? What on earth do you mean by a Bunburyist? ALGERNON. I'll reveal to you the meaning of that incomparable expression as soon as you are kind enough to inform me why you are Ernest in town and Jack in the country. JACK. Well, produce my cigarette case first. ALGERNON. Here it is. [Hands cigarette case.] Now produce your explanation, and pray make it improbable. [Sits on sofa.] JACK. My dear fellow, there is nothing improbable about my explanation at all. In fact it's perfectly ordinary. Old Mr. Thomas Cardew, who adopted me when I Thesaurus dentist: (n) dental surgeon, endodontist, exodontist, orthodontist, tooth doctor, toothdrawer. improbable : (adj ) implausible, impossible, incredible, unbelievable, fishy, questionable, inconceivable, impractical, unthinkable, absurd; (adj, n) marvelous. ANTONYMS: ( adj) probable, certain, plausible, truthful, ordinary, on, practical. incomparable : (adj, v ) superlative, sovereign; ( adj) unparalleled, unique, matchless, rare, excellent, unexampled, peerless, transcendent, unrivaled. ANTONYMS: ( adj) ordinary, commonplace, abysmal, mediocre, unremarkable. inform : (v) acquaint, impart, advise, enlighten, announce, tell, familiarize, explain, advertise, apprise, warn. pray : (v) beg, implore, entreat, crave, invite, plead, beseech, appeal, importune, adjure, invoke. ANTONYM: ( v) reject. puts : (n) stocks, securities, preferred stock, common stock, bonds. suspected : (adj ) supposed, doubted, suspicious, suspicion, inspiring distrust, distrusted. vulgar : (adj ) rude, coarse, plebeian, nasty, common, foul, indecent, gross, unrefined; ( adj, n) low, vile. ANTONYMS: ( adj) refined, sophisticated, tasteful, polite, aesthetic, muted, fashionable, decent, artistic, pleasant, clean.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 16 was a little boy, m ade m e in his w ill guardian to his gran d-dau ghter, Mis s Ceci ly C ardew. Ceci ly, w ho addresses me a s her uncle from moti ves of respect that you could not possi bly appreci ate, li ves at my pl ace i n the country un de r the charge o f her adm irable gov ern ess, Mis s Prism .% ALGERNON . Where in that plac e in the c ountry, by the way ? JAC K. That is nothing to you, dear boy. You are not go ing t o be i nvited... I may tell you candidly that the place i s not i n Shropshi re. ALGERNON . I suspected t hat, m y de ar fellow! I ha ve Bunburye d all over Sh ropshire on two separate occasions. No w, go on. Wh y are you Ern est in town and Jack in the country? JAC K. My dear A lgy, I don't know w hether you w ill be able to understand m y real motives. You are har dly seriou s eno ugh. When one is p lace d in the position of guard ian , one has to ad opt a very high m oral t one on al l subjects. It 's one's duty to do so. And as a high moral ton e can h ardl y be sai d to conduce very much to ei ther one's heal th or one's happi ness, in order to get up to town I have alw ays preten ded to have a yo unger brother of the name o f Ernest, who liv es in the Alb any, and gets into the most dre adfu l sc rape s. Th at, m y de ar Algy , is the w hole truth p ure an d s imple. ALGERNON . The truth is rare ly pure an d never simple. Mode rn life would be very tediou s if it w ere eit her, and m ode rn lit erature a com plet e im possib ility ! JAC K. That w ouldn' t be at all a b ad thing. ALGERNON . Lit erary cr iticism is not yo ur fort e, m y dear fe llow . Don't try it . You sho uld leave that to peopl e who haven't been at a Uni versity. They do it so well in Thesaurus addr esses: (n) wooing, suit, co urtsh ip. admirable: (adj) fin e, outst anding, beautif ul, great, co mmendable, lovely, good, credit able, praise worthy, wort hy, grand . ANTONY MS: ( adj) appalling, poor, unw orthy, despic able, contemptibl e, detestable, dishon orable, rotten, unimpres sive, lo athsome, lo w. candi dly: (adv) ope nly, ingenuo usly, sincerely, o utspokenly, hones tly, forthrightly, straigh tforw ardly, plainly, bl untly, directly; ( adj, ad v) freely. ANTONY MS: (adv ) deceitfully, he sitant ly, dishonestly, untruthf ully, g uard edly, ambiguously, shyly . conduc e: (v) go, le ad, tend, concur, bestow, advance, redo und, encour age, result, v erge, extend. gets: (n) getting. gover ness: (n) chap eron, preceptress, nanny, train er, tuto r, professor, lecturer, rectore ss, educat or, rectrix, instructre ss. grand- daughte r: (n) gra nddau ghter. imp ossib ility : (n) impossiblen ess, option, nonexisten ce, abs urdity, inabilit y, impr actic abilit y, alter native, choice, contr adictio n,contrad iction in terms, doubtf ulne ss. ANTON YMS: (n) pos sibility, pro bability. pretende d: (adj, v) sha m, mock, counterf eit, pseudo , spurio us; ( adj) assum ed, fake, feig ned , fictitiou s, bog us, affected .

Oscar W ilde 17 the daily papers. What you really are is a Bunburyist. I was quite right in saying you were a Bunburyist. You are one of the most advanced Bunburyists I know. % JACK. What on earth do you mean? ALGERNON. You have invented a very useful younge r brother called Ernest, in order that you may be able to come up to town as often as you like. I have invented an invaluable permanent invalid called Bunbury, in order that I may be able to go down into the country whenever I choose. Bunbury is perfectly invaluable. If it wasn't for Bunbury's extraordinary bad health, for instance, I wouldn't be able to dine with you at Willis's to-night, for I have been really engaged to Aunt Augusta for more than a week. JACK. I haven't asked you to dine with me anywhere to-night. ALGERNON. I know. You are absurdly careless about sending out invitations. It is very foolish of you. Nothing annoys people so much as not receiving invitations. JACK. You had much better dine wi th your Aunt Augusta. ALGERNON. I haven't the smallest intention of doing anything of the kind. To begin with, I dined there on Monday, and once a week is quite enough to dine with one's own relations. In the second place, wh enever I do dine there I am always treated as a member of the family, and sent down with either no woman at all, or two. In the third place, I know perfectly well whom she will place me next to, to-night. She will place me ne xt Mary Farquhar, who always flirts with her own husband across the dinner -table. That is not very pleasant. Indeed, it is not even decent... and that sort of thing is enormously on the increase. The amount of women in London who flirt with their own Thesaurus absurdly : (adv ) ridiculously, foolishly, ludicrously, nonsensically, idiotically, silly, stupidly, inconsistently, comically, illogically, irrationally. ANTONYMS: ( adv) solemnly, impressively, rationally, harmoniously. anywhere: ( adv, n) anyplace; (adv ) someplace, wherever, everywhere. careless: (adj) forgetful, inattentive, insouciant, haphazard, cursory, reckless, lax, unwary, sloppy; (adj, adv) thoughtless; (adj, v) heedless. ANTONYMS: ( adj) cautious, prudent, meticulous, thoughtful, diligent, attentive, thorough, wary, guarded, methodical, strict. dine : (v) feed, lunch, breakfast, dining, meal, give, have supper, take tea, grub, consume, entertain. ANTONYM: ( v) abstain. invalid : (adj ) false, illogical, unreasonable, null, weak, void, unhealthy, sick, flawed; ( n) infirm; ( v) disable. ANTONYMS: ( adj) valid, legitimate, current, healthy, true, watertight, correct. invaluable : (adj ) valuable, inestimable, incalculable, precious, costly, rare, unvalued, beyond price, unvaluable, serviceable, unprizable. ANTONYM: (adj ) dispensable. smallest: ( adj) least, minimal, littlest, lowest, last, first, negligible, smallest number of, bottom, littler. ANTONYM: ( adj) maximum.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 18 husban ds is perfectly scandalous . It lo oks so bad. It in sim ply w ash ing one 's clean lin en in p ublic. B esides, n ow that I k now y ou to b e a confirmed Bunburyi st I naturall y want to tal k to you abo ut Bunburying. I want to tell you the r ules. % JAC K. I'm not a Bunburyist at all. I f Gwendo len accepts m e, I am go ing to kill my brother, inde ed I t hink I'l l ki ll him in any ca se. C ecily is a little too m uch interested in him. It is rather a bore. So I am go ing to get rid of Ernest. And I strongly adv ise yo u t o do the sam e w ith Mr. .. w ith your inv alid frien d w ho has the absurd name. ALGERNON . Not hing w ill induc e me to part w ith Bunbury, and if you ever get m arried, which seem s to me extremely problematic , yo u w ill be very g lad to know Bunbury. A man who marries w ithout knowing B unbury has a very tedious tim e of it. JAC K. That is nonse nse. I f I m arry a charm ing gir l lik e G wendolen, an d she is t he only girl I ever saw in m y life that I w ould m arry, I certainly w on't w ant to know Bunb ury. ALGERNON . Then your w ife w ill. You don't seem to real ise , that in m arri ed life t hree i s com pany and tw o is none. JAC K. [Sententi ously.] That, my dear yo ung fri end, is the theory that t he corrupt French Dr am a h as be en pr opounding fo r the last fifty years. ALGERNON . Yes; and th at the happy En glish ho me h as proved i n half the ti me. JAC K. For heaven's sake, don 't try to be cyn ical. It's perfectl y ea sy to b e cynic al. Thesaurus corrupt : (adj, v ) ad ulterate, taint, infect, rotten, ca nker; ( adj, n, v) cont amin ate, pois on; ( v) bri be, debase, defile; ( adj) impure. ANTON YMS: ( adj) m oral, pure, principled, ethica l, hon orab le, whole some, virt uous, uncorr upt, truthful; ( v) puri fy; ( adj, v) cle an. induc e: (v) gener ate, tempt, cause, impel, bring, crea te, dra w, engender, beget, get, infer. A NTONY MS: ( v) prevent, restrain. linen: (n) fabric, flax, lingerie, doily, doyley, doyly, ca mbric, under wear, underclothe s, hem p; (v) mu slin. problem atic: (adj) difficult, d ebatable, doubtf ul, moot, tro ublesome, knotty, que stion able, un settled, disputab le, fishy, problem atical. ANTONY MS: (adj) sim ple, str aightforward, convenient, indisp utable. scanda lous : (adj) in fam ous, disgrace ful, ignom iniou s, outra geous, oppro brious, shock ing, disrepu table, dis gusting, dishonor able; ( adj, v) base, f oul. ANTONY MS: ( adj) proper, seemly, honorable, a ppe aling, complimenta ry, rep utable, admirable. ted ious: (adj) tire some, boring, drea ry, slow, hea vy, h umd rum, irks ome, lifeless; ( adj, v) m onotono us, arid, dry. ANTONYMS: (adj) exciting, varied, easy, rea dable, lively, entertaining, enthr alling, brisk, concis e, exotic, plea sant.

Oscar W ilde 19 ALGERNON. My dear fellow, it isn't easy to be anything nowadays . There's such a lot of beastly competition about. [The sound of an electric bell is heard.] Ah! that must be Aunt Augusta. Only relatives, or creditors, ever ring in that Wagnerian manner. Now, if I get her out of the way for ten minutes, so that you can have an opportunity for proposing to Gwendolen, may I dine with you to- night at Willis's? JACK. I suppose so, if you want to. % ALGERNON. Yes, but you must be serious about it. I hate people who are not serious about meals . It is so shallow of them. [Enter LANE, LADY BRACKNELL, and MISS FAIRFAX. ALGERNON goes forward to meet them. Enter LADY BRACKNELL and GWENDOLEN.] LADY BRACKNELL. Good afternoon, dear Algernon, I hope you are behaving very well. ALGERNON. I'm feeling very well, Aunt Augusta. LADY BRACKNELL. That's not quite the same thing. In fact the two things rarely go together. [Sees JACK and bows to him with icy coldness.] ALGERNON. [To GWENDOLEN.] Dear me, you are smart! GWENDOLEN. I am always smart! Am I not, Mr. Worthing? JACK. You're quite perfect, Miss Fairfax. GWENDOLEN. Oh! I hope I am not that. It would le ave no room for developments, and I Thesaurus beastly: (adj ) animal, disgusting, horrid, bestial, brute; ( adj, v) nasty, abominable, offensive; ( adv) ugly, brutally, brutely. ANTONYMS: ( adv) civilized, cultured, kind, good, refined, humane, inoffensive; ( adj) lovely, pleasant. bell : (n, v ) chime; ( n) gong, Alexander Graham Bell, rin g, doorbell, handbell, tocsin, alarum, Alexander Bell, buzz, angelus. meals : (n) nourishment, fare, food, meal, the food we eat, provisions. nowadays : (adv ) currently, presently, at present, at the moment, immediately; ( adv, n) today; ( adj, n) present; ( n) moment, modern times, these days, nonce. ANTONYMS: (adv ) formerly, then. relatives : (n) relations, kindred, kin, kinsfolk, kinfolk, relationship, affinity, relation, folks, intimates, house. shallow : (adj ) superficial, low, cursor y, pett y, little, sketch y, flims y, frivolous, simple, surface, perfunctory. ANTONYMS: ( adj) bottomless, profound, intense, pensive, serious, inner, weighty. smart : (adj, n ) sharp, quick, bright; ( n, v) pain; ( adj) shrewd, crafty, sly, dapper, prompt, astute, intelligent. ANTONYMS: ( adj) stupid, scruffy, unkempt, dim, shabby, slow, naive, unfashionable, unstylish, unintelligent, thick.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 20 intend to develop in m any directions . [GWENDO LEN and JAC K sit down together i n th e corner.] LADY B RAC KNELL. I'm sorry if we are a li ttle l ate, Al gernon, but I was ob liged to call on dear Lady H arbur y. I h adn 't b een there since her poor husban d's death. I n ever saw a wom an so alt ered; she looks qu ite tw ent y ye ars younge r. And now I'll hav e a c up of tea, an d one of those ni ce cucumber sandwiches yo u promised me. % ALGERNON . Certainly, Aunt Augusta. [Goes over to tea- tab le.] LADY B RAC KNELL. Won't you co me and si t h ere, Gwendo len? GWENDOLE N. Tha nks, ma mma, I'm quite comfortable where I am. ALGERNON . [Pic king up empty plat e in horror.] Go od heavens! Lane! Why are there no cucumber sandwiches? I o rdered them specially . LANE . [Grave ly.] There were no cucumbers in the market this morning, sir. I went down tw ice . ALGERNON . No cuc umber s! LANE . No, sir . Not e ven for ready money. ALGERNON . That will do, Lane, thank you. LANE . Tha nk you, sir. [Goes out. ] Thesaurus altered: (adj) tra nsformed , changed , divers ified, va ried, dis torted, affected , castrated, malformed , misrepresen ted, misshapen; (v) battered. ANT ONY MS: ( adj) unalt ered , unad justed. cucumb ers: (n) me lon vine, melon, Cucumis, cantaloupe s. directions: (n) ad vice, instructi on, guidan ce, instr uctions, briefin g, command s, orders, will. inten d: (v) des tine, des ign, mea n, aim, determine, denote, contemplate, plan, purpo se, con sider, believe. ANTONY M: ( v) im provise. mamm a: (n) breast, mother, ma, knocker, b oob, mum, ma mmy, mom, momma , mommy, mu mmy. obliged : (adj) gratef ul, thankful, appreciativ e, force d, accou ntable, compelled ; (adj, v) bound, under oblig ation; ( adj, prep) ind ebted ; (v) oblige, binding. A NTONY M: ( adj) ungrat eful. plate: (v) gild , cove r, coat; ( n, v ) sheet, dish, lea f; (n) hom e pla te, home, engra ving, l amell a, disc. specially: (adv) esp ecially, pec uliarly, specific ally, extraordinarily, exceptionally, unu suall y, exclu sively, expres sly, in pa rticu lar, pa rticu lar, distinctively. AN TONYM: ( adv ) generally. twice: (adv) doubly, bis, tw o times, in two way s, once mo re; ( adj) twenty. went: (v) walk ed, proceeded.

Oscar W ilde 21 ALGERNON. I am greatly distressed, Aunt Augusta, about there being no cucumbers, not even for ready money. % LADY BRACKNELL. It really makes no matter, Algernon . I had some crumpets with Lady Harbury, who seems to me to be li ving entirely for pleasure now. ALGERNON. I hear her hair has turned quite gold from grief. LADY BRACKNELL. It certainly has changed its colour. From what cause I, of course, cannot say. [ALGERNON crosses and hands tea.] Thank you. I've quite a treat for you to- night, Algernon. I am going to send you down with Mary Farquhar. She is such a nice woman, and so attentive to her husband. It's delightful to watch them. ALGERNON. I am afraid, Aunt Augusta, I shall have to give up the pleasure of dining with you to-night after all. LADY BRACKNELL. [Frowning.] I hope not, Algernon. It would put my table completely out. Your uncle would have to dine upstairs. Fortunately he is accustomed to that. ALGERNON. It is a great bore, and, I need hardly say, a terrible disappointment to me, but the fact is I have just had a telegram to say that my poor friend Bunbury is very ill again. [ Exchanges glances with JACK.] They seem to think I should be with him. LADY BRACKNELL. It is very strange. This Mr. Bunbury seems to suffer from curiously bad health. ALGERNON. Yes; poor Bunbury is a dreadful invalid. Thesaurus accustomed : (adj, n ) habitual; ( adj) familiar, normal, wonted, usual, natural, everyday, ordinary, habituated, common, traditional. ANTONYMS: ( adj) unusual, green, unseasoned, unconventional, untrained, abnormal, uncharacteristic, exceptional. attentive : (adj ) assiduous, diligent, heedful, watchful, observant, advertent, mindful, careful, aware, alert, respectful. ANTONYMS: ( adj) unfocused, negligent, neglectful, forgetful, heedless, unobservant, rude, unprepared, unconscious, uncaring, inconsiderate. distressed : (adj ) worried, distraught, anxious, sad, disturbed, downcast, hurt, distracted, wretched, shocked, troubled. ANTONYMS: ( adj) composed, content, euphoric, happy, comforted, glad, joyful, collected, unconcerned, unaffected. exchanges : (n) communications, relations, interactions. grief : (adj, n, v ) affliction; ( n) dolor, anguish, distress, agony, pain, wound, chagrin, concern; ( n, v) regret; ( adj) sore. ANTONYMS: ( n) joy, happiness, comfort, content, peace. telegram : (n) cablegram, wire, telegraph, message, letter telegram, report, overseas telegram, news, marconigram, embassy, conducting wire.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 22 LADY B RAC KNELL. Well, I must say, A lgernon , that I think it is high time that M r. Bunbury m ade up his m ind whether he w as going to live or to die. This shilly-shallying w ith the quest ion is absurd. Nor do I in an y w ay approve of the modern sympathy with inv alids . I consider it mo rbid. Illne ss of an y kin d is har dly a t hing t o be encour aged in others. H ealth is the p rimary d uty o f life. I am always tell ing that to your poor uncl e, b ut he never seems to take much noti ce... as far as any improvement in his ailm en t goes. I should be much obliged if you would ask Mr. Bun bury, from me, to be kind enough n ot to have a relapse on Saturday, for I rel y on you to a rrange my mu sic f or me. It is my la st recep tion, a nd one w ants som ething t hat w ill e ncoura ge co nv ersat ion , particularly at the end o f the season when every one has pr actically said whatever the y ha d to s ay, which, in m ost cas es, w as prob ab ly not much. % ALGERNON . I'll spe ak to Bunbury , A unt Au gust a, if he is still con sciou s, and I think I c an prom ise you he'll b e all r ight by Sat urday . O f cour se t he m usic is a gre at dif ficult y. Y ou see, i f one p lay s good m usic , peop le don't list en, and if one plays bad music people do n't talk. B ut I'll r an over the progr amme I've dr awn out, i f yo u w ill kind ly com e into the nex t room for a moment. LADY B RAC KNELL. Thank you, Alge rnon. It is ver y thou ghtfu l of yo u. [R ising, and follow ing ALGERNON.] I' m su re the progra mme wi ll be del ightf ul, after a f ew expurg ations. French song s I c annot possib ly allow. People alway s seem to thi nk that th ey are im pro per, an d e ither loo k shoc ked, w hich is vulgar, o r laugh, w hich is w orse. But G erm an sound s a t horoughl y resp ect able lang uage, an d inde ed, I believ e is so. G wendolen, yo u w ill acc ompany me. GWENDOLE N. Certa inly, m amma . [LADY B RACKNELL and ALGE RNO N go into the music -roo m, GWENDOLE N rem ains be hind.] Thesaurus accomp any: (v) atte nd, follow, compani on, guid e, company, le ad, wal k, associate, c onsort, cond uct, conc ur. ANTONY MS: ( v) desert, abandon, leave. ailm ent: (n) com plaint, affection, disease, trou ble, co ndition, ill, disorder, sickn ess, afflicti on; (adj, n) infirmity; ( v) distemper. imp roper: (adj) false, illicit, illegitimate, u nsuitable, wrong, indecent, ba d, co arse, a miss, faulty; (adj, v) ind ecorous. ANTONY MS: (adj) suitable, fittin g, polite, accept able, sensitiv e, moral, correct, dignified, lawf ul, cl ean, hone st. mor bid: (adj) diseased, gr uesom e, mac abre, corr upt, patholo gic, unw holesome, pecc ant, sick, unhe althy, pathol ogical; ( adj, v) sickly. relapse: (n, v ) regre ss, decline, f all; (n) recidivis m, recurre nce, regres sion, deterio ration; (v) backs lide, revert, recur, deteriora te. ANTONY MS: ( v) improve, recover, progress; ( n) improvement, reco very, regenera tion. thoughtf ul: (adj, v) ser ious, solem n, gra ve; (adj) kind , careful, pensive, heedful, attentiv e, discreet, sen sible, courteo us. ANTO NYMS: ( adj) thoughtle ss, c arele ss, heedless, unc aring, unki nd, tactle ss, superfi cial, stupid, negligent, idiotic, unthinking.

Oscar W ilde 23 JACK. Charming day it has been, Miss Fairfax. % GWENDOLEN. Pray don't talk to me about the weather, Mr. Worthing. Whenever people talk to me about the weather, I always feel quite certain that they mean something else. And that makes me so nervous. JACK. I do mean something else. GWENDOLEN. I thought so. In fact, I am never wrong. JACK. And I would like to be allowed to take advantage of Lady Bracknell's temporary absence... GWENDOLEN. I would certainly advise you to do so. Mamma has a way of coming back suddenly into a room that I have often had to speak to her about. JACK. [Nervously.] Miss Fairfax, ever since I met you I have admired you more than any girl... I have ever met since... I met you. GWENDOLEN. Yes, I am quite well aware of the fact. And I often wish that in public, at any rate, you had been more demonstrative. For me you have always had an irresistible fascination. Even before I met you I was far from indifferent to you. [JACK looks at her in amazement. ] We live, as I hope you know, Mr Worthing, in an age of ideals. The fact is constantly mentioned in the more expensive monthly magazines, and has re ached the provincial pulpits, I am told; and my ideal has always been to love some one of the name of Ernest. There is something in that name that inspires absolute confidence. The moment Algernon first mentioned to me that he had a friend called Ernest, I knew I was destined to love you. Thesaurus demonstrative : (adj, v ) characteristic, typical; ( adj) outgoing, explanatory, expansive, demonstrable, effusive, illustrative, indicative, expressive; ( n) demonstrative pronoun. ANTONYMS: ( adj) cold, undemonstrative, shy, unemotional, restrained, inexpressive, inconclusive, impassive, distant, cool, mysterious. destined : (adj, v ) bound, fated; ( adj) predetermined, sure, inescapable, intended, predestined, inevitable, prepared, foreordained, appointed. ANTONYMS: ( adj) unscheduled, unlikely. ideals : (n) morality, principle, standard, standards, ethics, principles. indifferent : (adj ) apathetic, impassive, cold, cool, callous, fair, insensible, unconcerned, careless, dull, average. ANTONYMS: ( adj) enthusiastic, fervent, keen, obsessive, energetic, eager, involved, surprised, exceptional, concerned, shocked. irresistible : (adj ) resistless, invincible, irrefragable, irrefutable, overpowering, overwhelming, impregnable, indomitable, charming, fascinating; ( adj, v) uncontrollable. ANTONYMS: ( adj) resistible, insignificant, unappealing, weak. whenever: ( n) anytime, convenience; (adv ) always, whene'er. ANTONYM: (adv ) immediately.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 24 JAC K. You re ally love m e, G wen dolen? GWENDOLE N. Passion ately! JAC K. Darling! Yo u don't know h ow happy yo u've m ade m e.% GWENDOLE N. My own Ernest! JAC K. But yo u don 't reall y mean to say th at yo u coul dn 't love me if my name wasn't Ernest? GWENDOLE N. But yo ur n ame is Erne st. JAC K. Yes, I know it is. But supp osing it was som ething e lse? Do you mean to say you co uldn 't love m e then? GWENDOLE N. [G lib ly. ] Ah! t hat is clea rly a metaphysic al sp ecula tion, and like m ost metaphysi cal specul ations has very l ittle ref erence at all to the act ual facts of rea l life, as w e know them . JAC K. Person ally, da rling, to speak quite candidly, I do n't much care about the nam e of Erne st... I don't thi nk the nam e suits m e at a ll. GWENDOLE N. It suits you perfectly . It is a divin e nam e. It has a m usic of its own. It produces vib rations . JAC K. W ell, re ally , Gwendolen, I m ust say t hat I t hink t here are lot s of other m uch nicer n ames. I think Jack, for ins tance , a charm ing n ame. Thesaurus darlin g: (adj, n) beloved , pet, favorite, sweet; ( adj) co stly, c ute, pretty; ( adj, v) precious ; (n) lov e, deary, angel. ANTONY MS: ( n) foe, rival. divine: (adj) sacred, wonderf ul, blessed, holy, exqui site; ( n) clergyma n; (v) guess, conject ure, aug ur, anticipate; (adj, n ) alm ighty. ANTONY MS: ( adj) im perfect, profa ne, e arthly, drea dful, phy sical, ugly, sec ular. instan ce: (n) exempla r, case, time, illustr ation, sample , affair, patt ern, chance, c ause; ( v) exemplify, illustr ate. metaphys ical: (adj) theoretical, sup ernatur al, mental, immaterial, mystic al, noo scopic , abstract, meta physi c, subject ive, unw orldly, theologic al. ANT ONYM: ( adj) empirical. specu lation : (n) gu ess, ven ture, reflection, meditati on, gue sswork, gamble, suppo sitio n, theory, surmi se, adventure, c onjecture. ANTONY M: (n) fact. suppos ing: (adv ) ad mitting, cond ition ally, in ca se; ( n) suppo sition, co njec ture, thoug ht, theory, assumption ; (conj ) altho ugh, wha t if; ( v) su ppos e. vibrations: (n) vibe s, atm osphere, ambiance, premonition, undercurrent, feel ings, vibr aharp, vibra phone, a mbience.

Oscar W ilde 25 GWENDOLEN. Jack?... No, there is very little music in the name Jack, if any at all, indeed. It does not thrill. It produces absolutely no vibrations... I have known several Jacks, and they all, without exception, were more than usually plain. Besides, Jack is a notorious domesticity for John! And I pity any woman who is married to a man called John. She would probably never be allowed to know the entrancing pleasure of a single moment's solitude. The only really safe name is Ernest JACK. Gwendolen, I must get christened at once - I mean we must get married at once. There is no time to be lost. % GWENDOLEN. Married, Mr. Worthing? JACK. [Astounded.] Well... surely. You know that I love you, and you led me to believe, Miss Fairfax, that you were not absolutely indifferent to me. GWENDOLEN. I adore you. But you haven't proposed to me yet. Nothing has been said at all about marriage. The subject has not even been touched on. JACK. Well... may I propose to you now? GWENDOLEN. I think it would be an admirable opportunity. And to spare you any possible disappointment, Mr. Worthing, I think it only fair to tell you quite frankly before-hand that I am fully determined to accept you. JACK. Gwendolen! GWENDOLEN. Yes, Mr. Worthing, what have you got to say to me? Thesaurus adore: ( v) worship, idolize, admire, glorify, cherish, appreciate; ( n, v) honor; ( adj) adoring, worshipping, worshiping; ( adv) adoringly. ANTONYMS: ( v) detest, despise, condemn, loathe, disrespect, abhor, scorn. called : (adj ) named, titled, chosen, known as; ( v) nempt, ycleped. domesticity : (n) comfortableness, coarseness, cosiness, homeliness, activity, coziness. entrancing : (adj ) captivating, enthralling, bewitching, fascinating, charming, attractive, magnetic, glamorous, tempting, engaging, enticing. ANTONYM: ( adj) boring. notorious : (adj, v ) notable; ( adj) known, infamous, illustrious, disreputable, flagrant, egregious, prominent, celebrated, noted; ( adj, n) errant. ANTONYMS: (adj) anonymous, reputable, famous. solitude : (n) desolation, loneliness, seclusion, privacy, aloneness, isolation, retirement, lonesomeness, retreat, desert, solitariness. ANTONYMS: ( n) companionship, closeness. thrill: ( n, v) delight, shudder, quiver, shiver; ( v) excite, exhilarate, exalt, stir; ( n) shake, excitement, chill. ANTONYMS: ( v) dishearten, discourage, disappoint, displease; ( n) depression, calm, boredom, agony, sorrow; ( n, v) bore.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 26 JAC K. You know w hat I hav e got to say to yo u.% GWENDOLE N. Yes, but you don't say i t. JAC K. Gwendolen, will yo u m arry me? [Goes on his knee s.] GWENDOLE N. Of cours e I w ill, d arling. How long yo u hav e been ab out it! I a m afr aid you have h ad ver y little exper ience in how t o propose. JAC K. My own on e, I have never loved an y one i n the wo rld but you. GWENDOLE N. Yes, but men often propose for practic e. I know my b rother Gerald does. A ll my girl- friends tell me s o. Wha t wo nderfu lly blue eyes yo u h ave, Erne st! They are quite, quite, blue. I hope you w ill always look at m e just like that, especially wh en there are o ther peop le p resent. [Enter LADY B RAC KNELL.] LADY B RAC KNELL. Mr. Worthin g! Ris e, s ir, from this sem i-recum bent posture . It i s mos t ind ecorous . GWENDOLE N. Mam ma! [H e tries to r ise; she re strains him .] I m ust beg yo u to retir e. Thi s is no plac e fo r y ou. B esides, Mr. Wort hing has not quite fin ished yet. LADY B RAC KNELL. Finished wh at, may I ask? GWENDOLE N. I am en ga ged to Mr. Worth ing, m amma. [They r ise tog ether.] LADY B RAC KNELL. Pardon me, y ou are not engage d to any one. When you do become engage d to some one, I, or your fat her, should h is h ealth permit him, w ill i nform you Thesaurus inde corous: (adj) in decent, unbe coming, impol ite, unseeml y, coar se, indelicat e, inappropriate, unto ward, immode st, unsuit able, tastele ss. A NTON YMS : (adj) polite, decorou s, proper, d ignified , correct, dec ent. love d: (adj) beloved , pet, cherished, precious, liked, ado red, respected, treasured, est eeme d, valued; ( n) darling. ANTON YM: ( adj) hated. permit: (adj, n, v ) give, a llow, con sent; (adj, v) gr ant; ( n, v ) license, le ave; ( v) admit, let, bear; ( n) licence, permissio n. ANTO NYMS: ( n, v ) ban; (v) prevent, prohibi t, stop, refuse, veto, outl aw, disa gree, deba r, b ar; (n) prohibition. pos ture: (n) attitud e, condition, stance, deportment, a spect, circu mstance, manner, fig ure, mien; ( n, v ) pose, place. retire: (v) re sign, re treat, withdraw, leave, abdic ate, ebb , depa rt, turn in, fall b ack, hit the h ay, go to bed. ANTONY MS: ( v) re main, enter. wonde rfully: (adv ) super bly, asto nishin gly, terrifically, magnifice ntly, fant astic ally, marvello usly, won drously, amazingly, excell ently; ( adj, a dv) stra ngel y, fa mously . ANTONY MS: (adv) awf ully, u npleas antly, poorly, aby smally, unrem arkably, mildly, horribly, b adly, inc ompetently.

Oscar W ilde 27 of the fact. An engagement should come on a young girl as a surprise, pleasant or unpleasant, as the case may be. It is hardly a matter that she could be allowed to arrange for herself... And now I have a few questions to put to you, Mr. Worthing. While I am making these inquiries, you, Gwendolen, will wait for me below in the carriage. % GWENDOLEN. [Reproachfully.] Mamma! LADY BRACKNELL. In the carriage, Gwendolen! [GWENDO LEN goes to the door. She and JACK blow kisses to each other behind LADY BRACKNELL'S back. LADY BRACKNELL looks vaguely about as if she could not understand what the noise was. Finally turns roun d.] Gwendolen, the carriage! GWENDOLEN. Yes, mamma. [Goes out, looking back at JACK.] LADY BRACKNELL. [Sitting down.] You can take a seat, Mr. Worthing. [Looks in her pocket for note-book and pencil.] JACK. Thank you, Lady Bracknell, I prefer standing. LADY BRACKNELL. [Pencil and note-book in hand.] I feel bound to tell you that you are not down on my list of eligible young men, although I have the same list as the dear Duchess of Bolton has. We work together, in fact. However, I am quite ready to enter your name, should your answers be what a really affectionate mother requires. Do you smoke? JACK. Well, yes, I must admit I smoke. LADY BRACKNELL. I am glad to hear it. A man should always have an occupation of some kind. There are far too many idle men in London as it is. How old are you? Thesaurus affectionate : (adj ) fond, tender, kind, mild, devoted, ardent, warm, cordial, caring, brotherly; ( adj, adv) fatherly. ANTONYMS: ( adj) uncaring, callous, undemonstrative, aloof, cool, disapproving, reserved, antagonistic, paternal, rough. answers : (n) replies; (adj ) answering. carriage: (n) attitude, conveyance, cab, air, walk, position, mien, shipping; (n, v ) transport, behavior, port. engagement : (n, v ) combat, battle, action, fight, contest; ( n) conflict, commitment, appointment, contract, duty, date. ANTONYM: ( n) disengagement. idle : (adj ) lazy, indolent, inactive, free, unfounded, fruitless, baseless, groundless, frivolous, empty, disengaged. ANTONYMS: ( adj) active, employed, industrious, energetic, meaningful, productive, worthwhile, diligent; ( v) change, run, work. inquiries : (n) investigation, examination, stud y, enquiries, enquiry, inquiry, exploration. vaguely: (adv) hazily, faintly, indistinctly, ambiguously, dimly, mistil y, unclearl y, loosel y, shadowil y, indeterminately, obscurely. ANTONYMS: ( adv) clearly, definitely, unmistakably, exactly, closely, distinctly, alertly, calmly, considerably, intelligibly.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 28 JAC K. Twenty- nine.% LADY B RAC KNELL. A very good age to be m arried at. I have always been of opinion that a m an who des ires to get marri ed shoul d know ei ther everyt hing or nothing. Wh ich do you know ? JAC K. [After som e hesitati on.] I k now nothing, Lad y Br ackn ell . LADY B RAC KNELL. I am p lease d to hear it. I do not ap prov e of anyt hing that tam pers w ith natural ignorance. Igno rance is lik e a delic ate ex otic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gon e. The who le theory of modern ed ucat ion is radic ally unsound . Fortunate ly i n Englan d, at any rate, ed ucation produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serio us d ang er to the upper classe s, an d probably lea d to acts of violenc e in G rosvenor Sq uare. Wh at i s your incom e? JAC K. Between seven and eight thousand a year. LADY B RAC KNELL. [M akes a note in h er b ook. ] In land , or in inv estments? JAC K. In investm ents, ch iefly . LADY B RAC KNELL. That i s sati sfactory. What between the duties expec ted of one d uring one's lif etim e, and the duties exacted from one afte r one's death, lan d has ceased to be either a pr ofit or a p leasure . It gi ves one position, and prevents one from keep ing it up . That's all that can b e said ab out land . JAC K. I have a coun try house wit h some land, of course, attached to i t, about f ifteen hundred acres, I believe; but I don't de pe nd on that for m y real income. In Thesaurus bloom : (adj, n, v ) flower; ( v) pros per, flouri sh, thrive, bur geon; ( adj, v) blow, fructify; ( n) prime, blus h, flu sh, bud. ANT ONY MS: ( v) shri vel, struggle, wane, die, deteriorate, dec rease; (n) pallor, withering. chiefly : (adv) princi pally, primarily, abo ve all, especially, headly, mostly , largely, primely, predominantly; ( adj, adv) mainl y, partic ularly. ANTONY M: ( adv) partially. desires: (n) re quire ments, needs. exo tic: (adj) alien, f oreign, stran ge, outlandish, unus ual, extra neous, different, od d, curiou s, extrinsic, unkno wn. AN TON YMS: ( adj) famili ar, ordina ry, usua l, na tive. investm ents: (n) funds, m oney, a sset s, cash, savin gs, capital. lifetim e: (n) life, lif e span, life span, life expectanc y, gener ation, hour, dec ade, day, tim e, animation; (adj) lifelong. rad ically: (adv) essentially, fundame ntally, rev olution arily, basic ally, completel y, drastic ally, ultraly, exh austivel y, extremely, originally, prim aril y. ANTONY MS: (adv) modestl y, slig htly, insignific antly, sup erficially. uns ound : (adj) fal se, shaky, f allacious, fau lty, rotten, unrel iable, inv alid, unsa fe, imperfect, unrea sonable, weak. ANTON YMS: (adj) valid, sound, well, sa fe, st eady, strong, logical, watertight, stable, good, perfect.

Oscar W ilde 29 fact, as far as I can make out, the poachers are the only people who make anything out of it. % LADY BRACKNELL. A country house! How many bedrooms? Well, that point can be cleared up afterwards. You have a town house, I hope? A girl with a simple, unspoiled nature, like Gwendolen, coul d hardly be expected to reside in the country. JACK. Well, I own a house in Belgrave Square, but it is let by the year to Lady Bloxham. Of course, I can get it back whenever I like, at six months' notice. LADY BRACKNELL. Lady Bloxham? I don't know her. JACK. Oh, she goes about very little. She is a lady considerably advanced in years. LADY BRACKNELL. Ah, nowadays that is no guarantee of respectability of character. What number in Belgrave Square? JACK. 149. LADY BRACKNELL. [Shaking her head.] The unfashionable side. I thought there was something. However, that could easily be altered. JACK. Do you mean the fashion, or the side? LADY BRACKNELL. [Sternly.] Both, if necessary, I presume. What are your polities? JACK. Well, I am afraid I really have none. I am a Liberal Unionist. Thesaurus cleared : (adj ) absolved, clean, empty, exculpated, bleak, innocent, exempt, vindicated, exonerated, guiltless, let off. ANTONYMS: ( adj) full, uncleared, guilty. guarantee : (n) guaranty, bail, assurance, bond; ( n, v) warranty, assure, warrant, pledge, promise, engage; ( v) certify. jack : (n) flag, jackass, mariner, fellow, jackfruit, sailor, jackscrew, socket, blue Peter, amberfish, crevalle jack. presume : (v) dare, consider, believe, think, infer, guess, expect, esteem, conclude, suppose, conjecture. ANTONYMS: ( v) appreciate, despair, speculate. reside: ( adj, v) inhabit, dwell; ( v) exist, occupy, remain, live, belong, abide, lodge, populate, lie. respectability : (n) reputation, propriety, reputability, decorum, honesty, honourableness, gentility, dignity, repute, politeness; ( adj) respectableness. ANTONYMS: ( n) decadence, indecency, immorality. unfashionable : (adj ) dowd y, unst ylish, behind the times, old, out of fashion, outdated, old-fashioned, antiquated, out, styleless, unconventional. ANTONYMS: ( adj) in, trendy, fresh. unspoiled : (adj ) pure, unspoilt, uncorrupted, virtuous, estimable, flawless, fresh, fine, financially sound, fresher, expert. ANTONYMS: (adj ) flawed, impure, marred, soiled.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 30 LADY B RAC KNELL. Oh, they count as Tories. They dine with us. Or come in the evening, at any rate. Now to mi nor matters. Are yo ur p arents living? JAC K. I have lost bo th my parent s.% LADY B RAC KNELL. To lose one p arent, M r. W orthing, m ay be reg arded as a misfortu ne ; to lo se both looks like careles sness . Who w as your father? He was ev ide ntly a man of some w ealth. W as he born in w hat the R adical papers call the purple of com merce, or did he r ise from the ran ks of the aris toc racy ? JAC K. I am af raid I rea lly don 't know . T he fac t is, L ady Br acknel l, I s aid I had lost my parents. It w ould be nearer the truth to say that my parents seem to have lost m e... I do n't actu ally know w ho I am by birth. I was... w ell, I was foun d. LADY B RAC KNELL. Found! JAC K. The l ate Mr . T hom as C ardew , an o ld gentlem an of a v ery ch aritab le and kind ly disposition , found me, and ga ve me the name of Worthing, becau se he happened to have a first-class t icket for Worthing in his pocket at the time. Worthing is a place in Sussex. It i s a seas ide reso rt. LADY B RAC KNELL. Where did the charit able gentleman wh o had a first- class ti cket f or thi s seaside reso rt fin d yo u? JAC K. [G rav ely. ] In a h and-b ag. LADY B RAC KNELL. A han d-bag? Thesaurus aristocracy: (n) gen try, nobility, peerage, gentility, aristarchy, elite, landed gentry, upp er crus t, gre at folks, no bles, p atric ians. ANTONY MS: ( n) people, plebeians, rab ble, riffraff. carel essn ess: (n) ne gligence, inattention, indiffer ence, nonch alance, thoug htlessn ess, abandon, incaution, disregard, omiss ion, forgetf ulness, d erelicti on. ANTONY MS: ( n) attention, caution, alertness, vigil ance, caref ulness, though tfuln ess, as siduousness, economy, reg ard, prud ence, foretho ught. disposition : (n) atti tude, char acter, dispos al, tend ency, pred isposition, inclinati on, propen sity, bi as, arrang ement, direction, aptitude. misfortune : (n) accident, hards hip, misa dvent ure, disaster, ca lamity, misch ance, catastrophe, m ishap, bad luck, misery, afflicti on. ANTONY MS: (n) joy, bon us, opp ortunity, privilege, suc cess, h appiness. pur ple: (adj) viol et, lilac, imperial, rega l, roy al; (adj, n) em purpled ; (v) empurple; ( n) ma genta, purplene ss, ermine, pall. ranks : (n) ra nk and file. reg arded: (adj) rep uted. seasid e: (adj, n) se aboard ; (n) beach, seashore, shore, co astline, sa nd, se a, seabeach; (adj) se acoast, coa stal, maritime.

Oscar W ilde 31 JACK. [Very seriously.] Yes, Lady Bracknell. I was in a hand-bag - a somewhat large, black leather hand-bag, with handles to it - an ordinary hand-bag in fact. % LADY BRACKNELL. In what locality did this Mr. James, or Thomas, Cardew come across this ordinary hand-bag? JACK. In the cloak-room at Victoria Station. It was given to him in mistake for his own. LADY BRACKNELL. The cloak-room at Victoria Station? JACK. Yes. The Brighton line. LADY BRACKNELL. The line is immaterial. Mr. Worthing, I confess I feel somewhat bewildered by what you have just told me. To be born, or at any rate bred, in a hand-bag, whether it had handles or not, seems to me to display a contempt for the ordinary decencies of family life that reminds one of the worst excesses of the French Revolution. And I presume you know what that unfortunate movement led to? As for the particular locality in which the hand-bag was found, a cloak-room at a railway station might serve to conceal a social indiscretion - has probably, indeed, been used for that purpose before now- but it could hardly be regarded as an assured basis for a recognised position in good society. JACK. May I ask you then what you would advise me to do? I need hardly say I would do anything in the world to ensure Gwendolen's happiness. LADY BRACKNELL. I would strongly advise you, Mr. Worthing, to try and acquire some relations Thesaurus bewildered : (adj ) bemused, confused, confounded, perplexed, befuddled, puzzled, dumbfounded, taken aback, addled, disoriented; ( adj, v) lost. ANTONYMS: ( adj) unimpressed, clear, oriented, precise, understanding, alert. conceal : (v) hide, disguise, bury, screen, cloak, smother, shield, suppress, mask, obscure; ( n, v) veil. ANTONYMS: ( v) reveal, show, expose, divulge, clarify, uncover, disclose, tell, admit, spotlight, flaunt.confess: ( adj, v) own, allow, admit, avow; ( v) concede, profess, reco gnize, divulge, disclose, reveal, receive. ANTONYMS: ( v) suppress, hide, dispute, conceal, repress, harbor. decencies : (n) decency. immaterial : (adj ) insignificant, inconsequential, irrelevant, disembodied, incorporeal, trivial, bodiless, spiritual, unimportant, extraneous, psychic. ANTONYMS: (adj ) significant, material, corporeal, physical, tangible, important. indiscretion : (n) foolishness, fault, rashness, inconsideration, carelessness, injudiciousness, faux pas, hastiness, indiscreetness, flippancy; ( adj, n) temerity. ANTONYMS: ( n) discretion, diplomacy, forethought. locality : (n) vicinity, area, place, spot, position, district, point, region, stead, section; ( n, v) quarter.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 32 as soon as possib le, and to m ake a de finite ef fort to produce at any r ate one parent, o f either sex , before the se ason is quite over. % JAC K. Well, I don't see how I co uld possibly manage to do that. I can produce the hand-b ag at any m oment. It is in m y dressing-roo m at home. I really thin k that shou ld satisfy you, L ady Br ackne ll. LADY B RAC KNELL. Me, sir! W hat has it to do with m e? You can har dly im ag ine t hat I and Lor d Brackn ell w ould d ream of al low ing ou r only d aughter - a g irl brought up wi th the utmost care - to marry into a cloa k-room , and form an alliance w ith a parcel? Good morning, Mr. Worthing! [LADY B RACKNELL sw eeps ou t in majes tic ind ign ation.] JAC K. Good morning! [ALGERNON, from the other room, strike s up the Wedding Ma rch. Ja ck looks perf ectly furi ous, and goes to the door.] For go odness' sake don't play that ghas tly tun e, A lgy . How idioti c yo u ar e! [The m usic stops and ALG ERNO N ente rs cheer ily. ] ALGERNON . Didn't it go o ff all right, old boy? Yo u do n't me an to say Gwe ndo len r efused you? I know it is a way sh e has. She is alw ays refus ing peop le. I t hink it is mos t ill-natured of her. JAC K. Oh, G wendolen is as r ight as a tri vet. A s far as she is concerned, w e are engag ed. Her mother is perfectly un bearab le. Never met such a G orgon.. . I don't re ally know w hat a G orgon is like , b ut I a m qu ite s ure that L ady Brackn ell is one. In an y c ase, she is a m onst er, w ithout being a m yth, w hich is rather un fair... I b eg you r pardon, Alg y, I suppose I shoul dn't tal k about your own aunt in t hat way befo re you. ALGERNON . My dear b oy, I lov e heari ng m y relat ions ab use d. It is t he only t hing t hat Thesaurus ghastly : (adj) awful, fearful, cadaverous, drea dfu l, gris ly, gru esome, ma cabre, hideou s, appalling, atroci ous; (adv) gruesomely. ANT ONYMS: ( adj) wonderf ul, lovely, attractiv e, delightful. idiotic : (adj) absurd , foolish, f atuous, imbecile, cr azy, stupid, ridiculou s, mindless, sil ly, un wise, d aft. ANTONY MS: ( adj) wise, geni us, clever. ill-natured: (adj) cantankero us, peevish, so ur, surly , catty, crabbed, gruff, dis agree able, malignant, malicio us, malevo lent. maj estic : (adj) gran d, awesome, stately , imperial, royal, exalted , glorious, kingly, A ugust; ( adj, v) imposing; ( adj, adv ) regal. ANTONY MS: ( adj) pa thetic, pitifu l, modest, lowl y, und ignified. refusing: (adj) negative, d ismissive, denying, recusa tive , noncomplia nt. sweep s: (n) sweep period. triv et: (n) br ack et, stand, board, shelf, ledge, poker, tongs, hob, shov el, tripod, support. unbearable: (adj) in sufferable, excruci ating, ins upportable, unendur able, hatef ul, un accept able, repugnant, impos sible, grievo us, enormous, drea dful. ANTONY MS: (adj) be arable, manageable, imperceptible, toler able, wonderf ul, lovable, nice, pleasa nt.

Oscar W ilde 33 makes me put up with them at all. Relations are simply a tedious pack of people, who haven't got the remotest knowledge of how to live, nor the smallest instinct about when to die. % JACK. Oh, that is nonsense! ALGERNON. It isn't! JACK. Well, I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things. ALGERNON. That is exactly what things were originally made for. JACK. Upon my word, if I thought that, I'd shoot myself... [A pause.] You don't think there is any chance of Gwendolen becoming like her mother in about a hundred and fifty years, do you, Algy? ALGERNON. All women become like their mothers. Th at is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. JACK. Is that clever? ALGERNON. It is perfectly phrased! and quite as true as any observation in civilised life should be. JACK. I am sick to death of cleverness. Everybody is clever nowadays. You can't go anywhere without meeting clever people . The thing has become an absolute public nuisance . I wish to goodness we had a few fools left. ALGERNON. We have. Thesaurus civilised : (adj ) civilized, humane, genteel, cultured, cultivated, advanced, refined, polite. cleverness : (n) ingenuity, adroitness, wisdom, aptitude, acumen, intelligence, skill, dexterity, astuteness, brightness, smartness. ANTONYMS: ( n) slowness, clumsiness, imbecility, foolishness, ineptness, simplicity, straightforwardness, uselessness, frankness. goodness : (adj, n ) generosity, kindness, gentleness; ( n) good, excellence, benefit, virtue, worth, morality; ( adj) favor, beneficence. ANTONYMS: ( n) evil, wickedness, badness, corruptness, bad, immorality, corruption. instinct : (n) impulse, urge, aptitude, gift, feeling, sixth sense, inherent aptitude, knack, inspiration, talent, genius. nuisance : (adj, n ) annoyance; ( n) harassment, irritation, pain, pest, hassle, inconvenience, mischief, irritant, plague, pain in the neck. ANTONYMS: ( n) pleasure, help, delight, blessing, balm, advantage, satisfaction, ease. remotest : (adj ) furthest, uttermost, endmost, extreme, last, utmost. shoot : (v) discharge, flash, drive, dart, dash, send, photograph; ( n) scion, branch; ( n, v) sprout, hunt. ANTONYM: ( v) trickle.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 34 JAC K. I should extre mely lik e to meet th em . What do they talk ab out? ALGERNON . The fools? Oh ! about the c lever people, of course. % JAC K. What fools! ALGERNON . By the way, did yo u tel l Gwendol en the truth about your bei ng Ernest in tow n, and Jack in the count ry? JAC K. [In a v ery pa tronis ing man ner.] My de ar fellow , the truth isn't quite the sort of thing one t ells to a n ice, sweet, refined girl. W hat extraord inar y ide as yo u have about th e way to behave to a wom an! ALGERNON . The only w ay to behave to a w oman is to m ake love to her, if she is pretty, and to som e one else, if sh e is plain . JAC K. Oh, that i s no nsense. ALGERNON . W hat ab out your brother? W hat ab out the prof ligate Ernest? JAC K. Oh, before the end of the week I shall have got rid of him. I'll say he died in Par is o f apo plexy . Lots o f peop le d ie o f ap op lexy , qu ite sudd enly , don't they? ALGERNON . Yes, but i t's hereditary , my dear fe llow . It's a so rt of thing that runs in fam ilies . You ha d much better sa y a sev ere ch ill . JAC K. You a re s ure a s evere ch ill isn't he redit ary, or anyth ing of that k ind ? Thesaurus apoplexy: (n) str oke, CV A, seiz ure, ictus; ( adj) par alysis, inanition, collap se, deliq uium , exhau stion, sideration, syncope . chill: (adj, v) cool; ( adj, n ) cold; (adj) bleak, icy, ch illy, frosty, depress ing; (v) free ze, dispirit, da mp; ( n) coolne ss. AN TONY MS: ( adj, v) warm ; (n) wa rmt h, wa rmne ss; (v) encour age, he arten, inspirit, tha w; (adj) hot, greg ario us, friendly, soci able. famili es: (n) family . hereditary: (adj) familial, an cestr al, inherent, herita ble, inherited, inborn, congenit al, innate, patrimoni al, native, heredity. patron ising: (adj) patroni zing, condescending, a rch, superior. proflig ate: (adj) deb auched, la vish, corrupt, extravagant, immoral, wasteful, ab andoned; ( adj, n ) prodigal, licentio us, spendthrift, libertine. ANT ONY MS: ( adj) fru gal, upright, mora l, ec onomica l, parsimon ious, se nsible, cautio us, innocent. refined: (adj) delicate, cultured, gra ceful, polite, gen tle, urbane, courteo us, co urtly, cultiv ated ; (adj, n) polished, pure. AN TONY MS: ( adj) unrefined , raw, un couth, ro ugh, carele ss, cr ude, bru te, boorish, pl ain, lowly, ineleg ant. runs : (n) Aztec t wo-step , sickn ess, Monte zum a's rev enge.

Oscar W ilde 35 ALGERNON. Of course it isn't! JACK. Very well, then. My poor brother Ernest to carried off suddenly, in Paris, by a severe chill. That gets rid of him. % ALGERNON. But I thought you said that... Miss Cardew was a little too much interested in your poor brother Ernest? Won't she feel his loss a good deal? JACK. Oh, that is all right. Cecily is not a silly romantic girl, I am glad to say. She has got a capital appetite, goes long walks, and pays no attention at all to her lessons. ALGERNON. I would rather like to see Cecily. JACK. I will take very good care you never do. She is excessively pretty, and she is only just eighteen. ALGERNON. Have you told Gwendolen yet that you have an excessively pretty ward who is only just eighteen? JACK. Oh! one doesn't blurt these things out to people. Cecily and Gwendolen are perfectly certain to be extremely great fr iends. I'll bet you anything you like that half an hour after they have met, they will be calling each other sister. ALGERNON. Women only do that when they have ca lled each other a lot of other things first. Now, my dear boy, if we want to get a good table at Willis's, we really must go and dress. Do you know it is nearly seven? JACK. [Irritably.] Oh! It always is nearly seven. Thesaurus appetite : (n, v ) desire; ( n) appetence, appetency, relish, inclination, stomach, taste, thirst, passion, liking, gusto. ANTONYMS: ( n) dislike, repulsion, revulsion, apathy, distaste.blurt : (v) blunder out, talk, utter, speak, mouth, verbalize, babble, blurt out, exclaim, blunder. calling : (n) business, occupation, call, avocation, job, trade, career, employment, walk, pursuit; ( n, v) profession. ANTONYMS: ( n) entertainment, hobby. lessons : (n) classes, coaching, tuition, schoolwork, revision, learning, education, training. romantic: ( adj) amorous, impractical, fanciful, quixotic, unrealistic, utopian, loving, amatory, fictitious; (adj, n) visionary, romanticist. ANTONYMS: ( n) realist, classicist; (adj ) commonplace, graphic, unromantic, unsentimental, unhappy, prosaic, disapproving, cool, realistic. silly : (adj ) ridiculous, absurd, childish, fatuous, irrational, frivolous, idiotic, preposterous, unreasonable; ( adj, n) fool; ( n) imbecile. ANTONYMS: ( adj) mature, wise, rational, clever, advisable, profound, reasonable, responsible, significant. ward : (n) charge, protection, custody, care, quarter, neighborhood, district, defense, keep; ( adj, v) shelter; ( v) protect.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 36 ALGERNON . Well , I' m hun gry. % JAC K. I never kn ew you w hen yo u w eren 't... ALGERNON . Wha t sh all we do after din ner? Go to a t heatre? JAC K. Oh no! I loathe lis tenin g. ALGERNON . Well , let us go to the Cl ub ? JAC K. Oh, no! I ha te talking . ALGERNON . Wel l, w e m ight trot roun d to the Empi re at ten? JAC K. Oh, no! I c an't bear lookin g at thing s. It is so silly. ALGERNON . W ell, w hat sh all w e do? JAC K. Nothing! ALGERNON . It is aw fully hard work doing nothin g. Howe ver, I don't mind hard work where there is no de finite object of any kind. [Ent er L ANE .] LANE . Miss Fairfax. [Ente r GWEN DOL EN. LA NE goes out.] ALGERNON . Gwendol en, upon my word! Thesaurus awfully: (adv ) atro ciously, hid eously, appalling ly, frightf ully, fear fully, gha stly, terribly, ho rrifica lly, horrendous ly, b adly; ( adj, a dv) amazingly. AN TONYMS: ( adv) pleas antly, h ardly, little, mildly, sati sfactorily, sl ight ly, well, adequa tely, superbl y, somew hat. definite: (adj) cert ain, clear, d istinct, concrete, plain, c onclusive, specifi c, precise, cate goric al, decisive; ( adj, v) absolute. ANT ONY MS: ( adj) imprecise, un clear, vag ue, undefined, doubtf ul, indetermi nate, q ualified, evasi ve, indefinite, indescrib able, dubious. hate: (v) abhor, det est, loa the, abom inate; (n) enm ity, abhorren ce, detestatio n, hatred, animo sity, antipathy, aversion . ANTONY MS: ( n, v) like; ( v) ad ore, ch erish, ad mire; ( n) attracti on, liking, delight, adorati on. kne w: (adj) kn own; (v) recogni ze, wist. listen ing: (v) listen, hea r, obey; ( n) ausc ultati on, perce ption, sensin g, audition, au dienc e, earshot, au dito ry modality; ( adj) atte ntive. loath e: (v) detest, h ate, abomin ate, execrate, despise, lo athing, dislike, disgust, dis dain, co ntempt, na useate. ANTONY MS: ( v) like, a dmire, a dore. shall: (n) m ust, n ecessity; ( v) re quire, beq ueath, leave. trot : (n, v ) run; (n) crib, ca nter, pony, gait, ride, lope; ( v) gallop, gener al, frequent, hous eho ld.

Oscar W ilde 37 GWENDOLEN. Algy, kindly turn your back. I have something very particular to say to Mr. Worthing. % ALGERNON. Really, Gwendolen, I don't think I can allow this at all. GWENDOLEN. Algy, you always adopt a strictly immoral attitude towards life. You are not quite old enough to do that. [ALGERNON retires to the fireplace.] JACK. My own darling! GWENDOLEN. Ernest, we may never be married. From the expression on mamma's face I fear we never shall. Few parents nowadays pay any regard to what their children say to them. The old-fashioned respect for the young is fast dying out. Whatever influence I ever had over mamma, I lost at the age of three. But although she may prevent us from becoming man and wife, and I may marry some one else, and marry often, nothing that she can possibly do can alter my eternal devotion to you. JACK. Dear Gwendolen! GWENDOLEN. The story of your romantic origin, as related to me by mamma, with unpleasing comments, has naturally stirred the deeper fibres of my nature. Your Christian name has an irresistible fascination. The simplicity of your character makes you exquisitely incomprehensible to me. Your town address at the Albany I have. What is your address in the country? JACK. The Manor House, Woolton, Hertfordshire. Thesaurus devotion : (n) allegiance, attachment, dedication, loyalty, worship, affection, enthusiasm, fondness, devotedness; ( adj, n) veneration, passion. ANTONYMS: ( n) disloyalty, negligence, apathy, disobedience, neglect, hatred, separation, dishonesty, infidelity. exquisitely : (adv ) excellently, finely, magnificently, perfectly, beautifully, gorgeously, superbly, keenly, subtlely; ( adj, adv) intensely, exceedingly. immoral : (adj ) evil, bad, depraved, indecent, dissolute, corrupt, criminal, unprincipled, dirty, unfair, lewd. ANTONYMS: ( adj) moral, decent, honest, ethical, principled, good, restrained, amoral, right, righteous, pure. incomprehensible : (adj ) inapprehensible, inscrutable, inarticulate, abstruse, cryptic, unfathomable, puzzling, obscure, inexplicable, inconceivable, unaccountable. ANTONYMS: ( adj) comprehensible, explicable, understandable, intelligible, legible, obvious, straightforward. stirred : (adj ) excited, agitated, moved, affected, aroused, emotional, aflame, Stirn, horny, susceptible, stirred up. unpleasing : (adj ) displeasing, graceless, ungracious, unpleasant, disagreeable, wicked, not grateful, offensive, perturbed, restless, stiff.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 38 [ALG ERNO N, w ho h as b een care fully list ening, sm iles t o hims elf, and w rites the addr ess o n his shirt-cuff. Then pick s up the Railw ay G uide .] GWENDOLE N. There is a g ood postal service, I s uppose? It m ay b e n ecessary to d o som ething desperate . That of co urse will req uire serio us consideration . I w ill communic ate with yo u d aily. % JAC K. My own on e! GWENDOLE N. How lon g do you r emain i n town? JAC K. Till Mond ay . GWENDOLE N. Good! Alg y, you m ay tu rn round now. ALGERNON . Thanks , I'v e turned round alr ead y. GWENDOLE N. You may also ring the bell . JAC K. You w ill let me see you to your ca rri ag e, m y ow n darling ? GWENDOLE N. Certa inly. JAC K. [To LA NE, w ho now enters.] I wil l see Mi ss Fairfax out. LANE . Yes, sir. [JAC K and GWEN DOLEN go off.] [LAN E pr esents seve ral lette rs on a sal ver to A LGERN ON . It is to be surmised that they are bills, as ALG ERNON, a fter loo king at the envelopes, tea rs them up.] Thesaurus bills : (n) currenc y, folding money. commu nicate: (v) expres s, impa rt, advertise, advise, c arry, convey, transmit, comm une, apprise; ( adj, v) anno unce, intim ate. ANTONY MS: ( v) excommunic ate, co nceal, suppress. consideration: (n, v ) res pect, rega rd, care, ac count, cond ition; ( n) reflection, tho ught, attention, cogitati on, concepti on, thoughtf ulne ss. AN TONY MS: ( n) impulsive ness, inco nsideratio n, inattention, cr uelty, rashne ss, uncon cern, heed lessnes s, disreg ard , negligence, negle ct, insensitiv ity. desperate: (adj) despa iring, dire, critical, a bject, d angerou s, in d espair, gra ve, aw ful, des pondent, dra stic; (adj, v) forl orn. AN TONY MS: ( adj) hopeful, optimi stic, rational, promising, minor, c autious, casua l, caref ul, trivial, s ecure, satis fied. himself: (pron) her self, them selve s, your self, itself; ( adj) my self; (n) your selves. pos tal: (adj) card, U nivers al Po stal Union. ring: (n, v ) encirc le, peal, call, lo op, jingle; ( v) resound, echo, reverber ate; (n) ga ng, b and, rim. surmis ed: (adj) rud e, conjectur al, assum ed. tears: (n) cry, cryi ng, snivel, brine, weeping, activity, b awling, bodily functio n, bodily pr ocess, body proces s, lacer ation s.

Oscar W ilde 39 ALGERNON. A glass of sherry, Lane. % LANE. Yes, sir. ALGERNON. To-morrow, Lane, I'm going Bunburying. LANE. Yes, sir. ALGERNON. I shall probably not be back till Monday. You can put up my dress clothes, my smoking jacket , and all the Bunbury suits... LANE. Yes, sir. [Handing sherry.] ALGERNON. I hope to-morrow will be a fine day, Lane. LANE. It never is, sir. ALGERNON. Lane, you're a perfect pessimist. LANE. I do my best to give satisfaction, sir. [Enter JACK. LANE goes off.] JACK. There's a sensible, intellectual girl! the only girl I ever cared for in my life. [ALGERNON is laughing immoderately.] What on earth are you so amused at? ALGERNON. Oh, I'm a little anxious about poor Bunbury, that in all. Thesaurus amused : (adj ) amusing, smiling, tickled pink, pleased, diverted. intellectual : (n) intellect, brain, thinker, scholar; ( adj) rational, mental, cerebral, learned, spiritual; (adj, n) mind, academic. ANTONYMS: ( adj) nonintellectual, intuitive, emotional, dim, ignorant, physical, thick, lowbrow; ( n) dunce. jacket: ( n) sheath, cover, case, covering, envelope, coat, blazer, doublet, dust cover, skin, shield. laughing : (adj ) merry, smiling, laughable, jolly, gay, lighthearted, frolicsome, playful, pleased, dizzy; (adv ) laughingly. ANTONYM: ( adj) serious. pessimist : (adj ) croaker, alarmist, pessimistic; ( n) cynic, defeatist, skeptic, doomster, wet blanket, sceptic, washout; ( v) optimism. ANTONYM: ( n) believer. sensible : (adj ) aware, sagacious, prudent, rational, judicious, perceptible, sane, wise, intelligent, appreciable, sage. ANTONYMS: ( adj) ludicrous, crazy, unreasonable, stupid, silly, ridiculous, reckless, idiotic, outrageous, imprudent, mad. sherry : (v) rye, schnapps, highball, peg, rum, whisky, xeres, sling, usquebaugh; ( n) sherris, manzanilla. smoking : (n) fume, marijuana, respiration, roll of tobacco, sens; ( v) candent, ebullient, glowing; ( adj) smoky, rabid; ( adv) on a roll.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 40 JAC K. If you don't take care, you r frien d Bunb ury w ill get you int o a serious scrap e som e day.% ALGERNON . I lov e sc rap es. They are the only t hings that ar e nev er serio us. JAC K. Oh, that's no nsense, Algy. You never tal k anything b ut nonsense. ALGERNON . Nobody eve r does. [JAC K looks indign antly at him , and leave s the roo m. ALGERNON light s a cig arette, re ads his sh irt-c uff, and sm ile s.] [ACT D ROP] Thesaurus friend: (adj, n) associate, comr ade, compani on, fello w, ally; ( n) acquaintance, colle ague, boy friend, crony, brother, mat e. ANTONY MS: (n) foe, str anger, rival, nemesis, adversary, antagonist. indignantly: (adv) irately, a ngril y, wrathf ully, enr agedly, sorely, acrimoni ously, cyni cally, s ulkily, hotly, exa sper atedl y, furio usly. leaves: (n) departur e, leaving, plant s, trees, vegetati on. ligh ts: (n) illumin ation, burn, l ung, spacin g material. looks : (n) aspe ct, co unten ance, expression, m anner , complexion, fash ion, costum e, g arb. scrap e: (n, v ) scr atch, graze, score, mark; ( v) rub, pa re, rake, gra te, ch afe, abr ade; (n) abrasion. seriou s: (adj, n, v ) grave; ( adj) he avy, austere, great, h ard, dangerous, critical; ( adj, v) sed ate, important, momentou s, con siderable. ANTONY MS: ( adj) lighthea rted, mild, flippant, cheerful, hum orou s, minor, slight, playf ul, trivial, unimport ant, brisk. talk : (n, v ) discour se, gossip, co nverse, lecture, ch atter, cha t, ad dress; ( v) articulate, spe ak, pr attle; ( n) language. AN TON YMS: ( v) ref use; (n) silence.

Oscar W ilde 41 SECOND ACT SCENE—Garden at the Manor House. A flight of grey stone steps leads up to the house. The garden, an old-fashioned one, full of roses. Time of year, July. Basket chairs , and a table covered with books, are set under a large yew- tree. % [MISS PRISM discovered seated at the table. CECILY is at the back watering flowers.] MISS PRISM. [Calling.] Cecily, Cecily! Surely such a utilitarian occupation as the watering of flowers is rather Moulton's duty than yours? Especially at a moment when intellectual pleasures await you. Your German grammar is on the table. Pray open it at page fifteen. We wi ll repeat yesterday's lesson. CECILY. [Coming over very slowly.] But I don't like German. It isn't at all a becoming language. I know perfectly well that I look quite plain after my German lesson. MISS PRISM. Child, you know how anxious your guardian is that you should improve yourself in every way. He laid particular stress on your German, as he was Thesaurus await : (v) anticipate, abide, bide, tarry, wait, attend, look, hope, approach, loom, come on. ANTONYM: ( v) doubt. basket : (n) cage, hamper, basketful, creel, Corf, coop, bucket, spinner basket, bassinet, containerful, cradle. chairs : (n) seats. guardian : (n) guard, defender, champion, curator, warden, conservator, bodyguard, keeper; ( adj, n) protector; ( adj) protective, custodial. ANTONYMS: ( n) attacker, detractor. plain: ( adj) ordinary, comprehensible, intelligible, apparent, manifest, obvious, clear, simple; ( adj, n) flat, homely, humble. ANTONYMS: ( adj) elaborate, unclear, multicolored, mottled, ornate, concealed, attractive, confused, fussy, obscure, patterned. pleasures : (n) pleasure. seated : (adj ) sat, sedentary. utilitarian : (adj ) functional, practical, pragmatic, philanthropic, utile, serviceable, humanitarian, helpful, convenient; ( n) Benthamite, philanthropist. ANTONYMS: ( adj) surrender, relinquish, soulful, luxur y, decorative, useless. watering : (n) tearing, sprinkle, lachrymation, lacrimation, wetting, irrigation, bodily process, body process, replenishment of water supplies, shedding tears, activity. yours : (adj ) own.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 42 leav ing fo r town yesterd ay. Indeed , he alw ays lays stress on yo ur German when he is leav ing for town.% CECILY. Dear Unc le Jack is so very seriou s! Som etim es he is s o seriou s that I think he cannot be quite well MISS PRISM . [D raw ing her self up .] Y our gu ard ian enj oys the b est of he alth, and his grav ity of dem ean ou r is esp ecially to be com manded in one s o com parat ively yo ung as h e is. I kno w no one w ho has a hi ghe r sens e of dut y an d re sp onsib ility. CECILY. I suppose that i s why he o ften l ooks a li ttle bored wh en we three are together. MISS PRISM . Cecily! I am surprised at you. M r. W orthing h as m any troub les in his life. Id le merrim ent and trivi ality would be out of place in h is conversatio n. You m ust remember his constant anxiety abou t that unfortunate yo ung m an his brother. CECILY. I wi sh Uncl e Ja ck would allow tha t un fortunate yo ung m an, his brother, to come down here s ometi mes . We mi ght ha ve a good influence over him, Miss Prism . I am sure yo u certa inly w ould . You know G erm an, and g eology , and things of t hat kind in fluen ce a m an v ery m uch. [C ECILY begins to w rite in her diary.] MISS PRISM . [Sh akin g her head.] I do not think that even I could produce an y effect on a char acter that accord ing to his own brother's admission is irr etrievably weak and va cil lating . Indeed I am not sure that I would d esire to reclaim him. I am not i n favour of thi s mo dern ma nia for turning b ad peop le int o good p eop le at a m oment' s notice. As a m an sow s so let him reap . Y ou m ust put aw ay your diary, Cecily. I really don't see why you shou ld keep a di ary at all. Thesaurus acco rding: (adj) pur suant, con sonant, equal, agreeable, harmonious, conform able, c onsistent, correspond ing, re spond ent; ( adv) correspond ingly, ac cord ingly. demea nour : (n) beh avior, beh aviour, cond uct, d emeanor , comportment, deportment, ma nne r, citiz enship, correctitude, c arriage, a ttitude. irretrievably: (adv ) perm anently, for all time, irremedia bly, forever, irrecovera bly, once and for all, irrevocably, irrever sibly. mania : (n) passio n, craze, delirium, fad, fury, enth usiasm, ra ge, obse ssion; ( adj, n) insanity, lun acy, madness . mer riment: (n) fun, amusement, cheerfuln ess, hilarit y, glee, jollity, frolic, gaiety, h appi ness, fe stivity; (adj, n) mirth. ANT ONYMS: ( n) misery, gloom , seriousness, des pondenc y, b oredo m. trivi ality : (n) trifl e, trivia, pettiness, slightne ss, b anality, unimportan ce, technical ity, small beer, levity, detail, frivolity. ANTO NY MS: ( n) importance, s ubstance, originality, valu e, respon sibilit y. vacill atin g: (adj) in decisive, changea ble, u ndec ided, w avering, giddy, vacillant, he sitating, he sitant; (adj, v) inf irm, deb ilitated, enf eeb led. ANTONY MS: ( adj) sta ble, strong, con sisten t, d ecisiv e, determined, resolute.

Oscar W ilde 43 CECILY. I keep a diary in order to enter the wonderful secrets of my life. If I didn't write them down, I should probably forget all about them. % MISS PRISM. Memory, my dear Cecily, is the diary that we all carry about with us. CECILY. Yes, but it usually chronicles the things that have never happened, and couldn't possibly have happened. I be lieve that Memory is responsible for nearly all the three-volume novels that Mudie sends us. MISS PRISM. Do not speak slightingly of the three-volume novel, Cecily. I wrote one myself in earlier days. CECILY. Did you really, Miss Prism? How wonderfully clever you are! I hope it did not end happily? I don't like novels that end happily. They depress me so much. MISS PRISM. The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means. CECILY. I suppose so. But it seems very unfair. And was your novel ever published? MISS PRISM. Alas! no. The manuscript unfortunately was abandoned. [CECILY starts.] I use the word in the sense of lost or mislaid. To your work, child, these speculations are profitless . CECILY. [Smiling.] But I see dear Dr. Chasuble coming up through the garden. MISS PRISM. [Rising and advancing.] Dr. Chasuble! This is indeed a pleasure. [Enter CANON CHASUBLE.] Thesaurus chasuble : (n) Geneva gown frock, robe, cassock, dalmatic, gown, pallium, scapulary, scarf, surplice, tunicle, cope. chronicles : (n) archives, history, archive, records. depress : (v) push, dishearten, discourage, cast down, dampen, deject, chill, bring down, quell, dispirit; ( adj, v) degrade. ANTONYMS: ( v) encourage, cheer, comfort, uplift, raise, increase, hearten, exhilarate, delight, heighten, appreciate. manuscript: ( n, v) writing; ( n) book, handwriting, record, copy, text, document, Ms, holograph, transcript, palimpsest. mislaid : (adj ) misplaced, absent, disordered, gone astray, not there, missing, lost temporarily. ANTONYM: ( adj) found. profitless : (adj ) fruitless, gainless, ineffectual, futile, idle, vain, useless, unprofitable, barren, inutile, bootless. secrets : (n) secrecy. slightingly : (adv ) negligently, slightly, lightly. unhappily : (adv ) wretchedly, unluckily, disconsolately, badly, woefully, forlornly, sorrowfully, unfortunately, dismally, dejectedly, despondently. ANTONYMS: ( adv) cheerfully, contentedly, luckily, willingly, enthusiastically, fortunately.

The Im portance of Being Earn est 44 CHASU BLE. And how are we this m orning? M iss Pr ism, you are, I trust, w ell? CECILY. Mis s Prism has ju st been com plaining of a sl ight he ad ache. I think it w ould do h er so m uch g ood to h ave a short stroll with you in the Park, Dr. Cha sub le.% MISS PRISM . Cecily, I h ave not mentioned an ything ab out a h eadache. CECILY. No, d ear M iss P rism, I know that, b ut I fe lt ins tinctiv ely that you h ad a head ache. In deed I w as thinking ab out that, an d not ab out my G erm an lesson , w hen the Rector c ame in. CHASU BLE. I hop e, C ecily, yo u are not ina tte nti ve. CECILY. Oh, I am afraid I am . CHASU BLE. That is strange. W ere I fortunate enough to be M iss Prism's pupil, I w ould hang upon her lips. [MI SS P RISM g lares.] I spoke me taphorica lly. - My metaphor was dr awn fr om bees. Ah em! Mr. Wort hing, I supp ose, h as not returned from town yet? MISS PRISM . We do not expect him till Monday afternoon. CHASU BLE. Ah ye s, he usually likes to spend his Sunday in London. H e is not one o f those whose sole aim is enjoyment, as, by al l ac counts, that unfortun ate young man his brother seems to be. But I must not disturb Egeria and her pupil any lon ger. MISS PRISM . Egeria ? My na me is La eti tia, Doctor. Thesaurus comp lain ing: (adj) irritable, peevi sh, petulant, whining, moaning, compla intive, repin ing; ( adj, v) quer ulo us; (n, v ) lamenting; ( adv) complainin gly; ( n) plaintive. ANTONY MS: ( adj) calm , uncompl aining, che erful, willi ng. disturb: (v) tro uble, disorder, discon cert, distress, perturb, d isquiet, distract, d iscom pose, disrupt, up set, concern. ANT ONY MS: ( v) calm, plea se, soothe, smo oth, order, reassure, sort, s ettle, res pect, q uiet, organi ze. inattentive : (adj) ne gligent, neglectf ul, forgetful, reck less , ca rele ss, unawa re, rega rdless , incon sidera te, mindles s, inadvertent; ( adj, v) remiss. ANTONY MS: ( adj) attentive, alert, obs ervant, carefree, cautious, consci entio us, con siderate, diligent, pru dent. instin ctive ly: (adv) involunt arily, mechanic ally, spon taneo usly, automatic ally, int uitively, inherently, automaticly, unconsciously, impulsive ly, unthin kingly, instinct uall y. ANT ONYMS: ( adv) consci ously, o bjecti vely. metaphor ically: (adv ) all egoric ally, symbo lical ly, tral atitiou sly, tropically, par abolically, par abolicly, symbo licly, typicall y. stroll : (n, v ) ra mble, saunter, wa lk, amble, wander, pro menade, tramp, hike; ( v) ro am, go f or a wa lk, ra nge.

Oscar W ilde 45 CHASUBLE. [Bowing.] A classical allusion merely, drawn from the Pagan authors. I shall see you both no doubt at Evensong? MISS PRISM. I think, dear Doctor, I will have a stroll with you. I find I have a headache after all, and a walk might do it good. % CHASUBLE. With pleasure, Miss Prism, with pleasure. We might go as far as the schools and back. MISS PRISM. That would be delightful. Cecily, you will read your Political Economy in my absence. The chapter on the Fall of the Rupee you may omit . It is somewhat too sensational . Even these metallic problems have their melodramatic side. [Goes down the garden with DR. CHASUBLE.] CECILY. [Picks up books and throws them back on table.] Horrid Political Economy! Horrid Geography! Horrid, horrid German! [Enter MERRIMAN with a card on a salver.] MERRIMAN. Mr. Ernest Worthing has just driven over from the station. He has brought his luggage with him. CECILY. [Takes the card and reads it.] 'Mr. Er nest Worthing, B. 4, The Albany, W.' Uncle Jack's brother! Did you tell him Mr. Worthing was in town? MERRIMAN. Yes, Miss. He seemed very much disappointed. I mentioned that you and Miss Prism were in the garden. He said he was anxious to speak to you privately for a moment. Thesaurus allusion : (n) innuendo, reference, cue, suggestion, mention, intimation, pointer, insinuation, implication, indication, clue. driven: ( v) drive, impel, operate, propel; ( adj) impelled, compulsive, motivated, involuntary, dynamic, successful; ( n) drove. headache : (n) cephalalgia, pain, encumbrance, bother, migraine, vexation, pest, head ache, worry; ( n, v) twinge; ( v) gripe. luggage : (n) baggage, bag, gear, grip, thing, goods, stuff, things, trunk, suitcase, pack. melodramatic : (adj ) theatrical, histrionic, sensational, exaggerated, overemotional, affected, buskined, comic, farcical, melodramatics, operatic. ANTONYMS: ( adj) calm, natural, quiet, restrained. metallic: ( adj) metal, harsh, metalline, metallics, hard, basic, actual, absolute, certain, chalybeate, clearly expressed. ANTONYM: ( adj) soft. omit: ( adv, v) neglect, disregard; ( adj, v) miss, skip, jump, pretermit; ( v) delete, forget, exclude, except, leave. ANTONYMS: ( v) add, remember. sensational : (adj ) exciting, lurid, stunning, marvelous, wonderful, sensory, thrilling, terrific, magnificent, fantastic, phenomenal. ANTONYMS: ( adj) bland, dull, ordinary, uninteresting, unremarkable, awful, boring.

. . . . . .